Friday, August 20, 2010

Pain and adulthood.

On the day I went into the hospital for what turned out to be a necrotic bladder I was writhing in abdominal pain and I became aware of overlords criticizing me for not ceasing my internal complaints. It was given a spin to the effect of "grow up!"

I had been working on my state lying in bed and had come to take a certain optimism about what was a solvable problem, both viscerally and ideally. This made me want to work on the abdominal pain even though it had an aspect of lengthy complaint reminiscent of youth. I ignored the criticism I felt as a result.

Shortly thereafter, in the course of my explorations of the pain, a sudden peace came upon me that I associated with modifications of my vertebral support attitudes. The pain went from a seven plus or minus two to a three plus or minus two, in a matter of less than two seconds plus or minus one.

Had I thought of it, I might have deduced from this evidence that I had a blood clot and managed to dislodge it.

The doctors at the hospital told me after the operation in which they removed part of my bladder that the only possible cause of a necrotic bowel is a blood clot in the abdomen.

Perhaps such a deduction as I could have made is of no value, since the doctors took care of the problem and told me essentially that I had had a clot anyway. But what of other issues of my internal body, and my abilities to affect and study them? But moreso is the fact that had I entered into exploration of my body earlier, before the necrosis began, I might very well have avoided the necrosis entirely. What drove me to explore was the pain. I delayed exploration because I applied normal diffidence to the earlier, slighter levels of pain, diffidence based on acceptance of pain.

So it seems evident I need more rejection of pain, not less, and the overlords stand as an obstacle to that.

I don't advocate childishness. I don't advocate crying. But it seems they're temporary measures buying time for science to displace folk wisdom, and in that children always have a better hand than adults, the kind that tell you to grow up.

Reelection of Mr. Obama.

It appears that fuel is increasing for there to be difficulty when President Obama enters the race for a second term. In reflecting on this it occurs to me that I may have contributed to this development by concentrating exclusively on getting him elected as a vehicle for racial harmony to the exclusion of the affairs of actually being in office.

After he was elected there was a certain ossification of the matter in consequence of the uncertainties of how his election was taken, by the various partisanships in the nation, as having been accomplished only contingent on my desire to harmonize black-white relations. While some of this uncertainty must stem from my ignorance of what my overlords have done to make known or make not known my role in the election, some probably stems from my struggle with my own striving with these partisanships, most importantly in the matter of the increase of my income to a level that would independently sustain myself, and ideally a wife and descendants. My failure at this point to succeed in this effort has led to numerous expressions of frustration which can only have had a negative effect on Mr. Obama's political fates.

I have noted elsewhere that greatness is an attribute which can be ascribed to Mr. Obama with some justification. I have not phrased it that way, but that is what it amounts to. We all have our own paths to tread and certainly Mr. Obama will win or lose another term on the merits of his own case as administered. A second term would be far more effective for racial harmony than otherwise. But the nation has other issues besides racial harmony and it may be felt by those who make the decision that economies and time constraints tend to dictate that another term weighs slighter than other considerations. This view can be seen as a blotch on the man, but if he is truely great we must remember that such men are rare and his service to the nation will need to be in a place of importance. No challenger came forward with a greater portent in the last election. If one does in the next it will be up to Mr. Obama to meet the challenge and find an even deeper reserve than any he previously has found. Such is the call upon great men, without exception.

This analysis relates to the election, but the present as always is momentous. I will seek solutions to these problems as always.