Friday, October 28, 2011

trauma and gender identity disorder

The genders physically possess enough skeletal similarity to result in a degree of interchangeability in maintenance of the sounds of the other gender's role in adaptation. At an early age trauma has unpredictable bearing here. Deconstructing trauma is not done.

Denial of gender identity disorder persists after embracement of it. The structure of support for denial is extensive but is not logical. It marks its progress on points of ambiguity, all of which are invalidated by deeper logic.

Denial support cloaks itself in sympathy. No sympathy was extended in the travail of living the birth gender so this sympathy has ulterior motives.

Suspected cause of my turn to female as a child.

It is possible that my childhood development of transvestic fetishism, and with it gender identity disorder, has an origin in a traumatic event that dislodged me from my beginning in the male identity enough to bring on the disorder. This is something of a speculation. It involves my stepping on a board with a rusty nail sticking out that was on the border between our house lot and the prairie in back of the row of houses on Lexington Street. The origin I hypothesize here is that the incident caused me to pull back from the aggressive exploration of outside worlds typical of young males given such a large almost wild territory so ready at hand.

That being said, and acknowledging that it is entirely speculation, there would seem to be no way to avoid the consequence in gender identity disorder, and the decision I made to become trans gender will have to stand unless my female identity decides, after further review and analysis, to abandon the conversion to female.

If the incident is to blame, then there is nothing about my father that produced the disorder.