I am going ahead with consultations with the doctor on my gender identity disorder. I had suspended consultations indefinitely after one visit to him in which he seemed ready to procede based on the fact that no actual clot had been found in me when I had a gangrenous bowel in 2008. At that time I was told by the doctors handling the surgery that the only possible cause of a gangrenous bowel is a blood clot, and that they therefore were of the opinion I did have one. I suspended consultations about transgendering because I was concerned that the doctor there was indicating he was ready to procede and my personal opinion at the time was that this was improper.
In the interim I have found it impossible to continue being a male and this has changed my opinion of the risks involved with transgendering. I now feel that if the doctor decides that the facts are in favor of proceding, then I will do so. It is better in my view to live as a female with a risk of a clot, which could have a number of dire consequences, than to live as a male, a path that has proven of no interest to me other than to parade around the fact that I am a male just for its own sake.
But there is the chance at present that the doctor will decide, for whatever reason, that it is not proper to procede with hormones and surgery to make me a female. In that instance I have now settled my mind that I would go ahead with beginning public cross dressing and change my gender by common law after letting people in general know that is my intent, using a chosen female name. I do not like the thought of being a biological male while living as a female. There are plumbing issues that are unpalatable, and without hormone therapy there would be a lot of obstacles to smooth functioning in a female identity. Plus, there is a great deal less legal support for a common law arrangement than having the law accept a change of gender and name on my birth certificate, which it would only do if I were approved for hormone therapy.
One thing that encourages me is that in Illinois it is illegal to discriminate against or harass someone for his choice of gender identity. This includes simply cross dressing.
I want to begin cross dressing in public again only once the doctor has made a final decision of whether to approve hormone therapy or not. I will need to prepare myself going into it for exactly the condition under which I will be operating, the alternatives being so radically different.
I wish to note that in the event I am able to get hormone treatment and surgery, there will be no biological heirs for me and I would share my best work freely with the world. If I end up retaining the ability to have biological heirs because of inability to get hormones and surgery, I would continue not to share the best work, saving it for my heirs as a competitive advantage in life in general.
I look forward to a much happier and healthier life as a female, and will continue throughout to exercise those functions which have been alotted to me as a person of some standing in the universe. I have much yet to accomplish and many ideas on how to go about it.