They asked me what I wanted to do for a living.

When they initially made me First, some lady asked me what I wanted to do for a living. I said fine arts. Ok, great. So I go all out to master drawing in starbucks stores, get the show up, and nobody buys anything. And before that I get a show of oils at Truman College and nobody buys anything there. Why the hell did they ask me what field I was going into if it makes no difference to them that they know that, and they don't immediately back me up with encouraging crowd control when I make some progress? Ok, so you say, that's two shows. you cant expect results from just two shows. Yeah, two shows. These are the beachhead. You don't get a whole lot of these things. And when you don't get monetary rewards, you are not a success. You cant get married. You don't make a mark. What possibly could I have done better? And then there's this issue of my signature. I get this psychic-mentor insistence that I work on a slow handed signature as if my signature isn't ok the way it is. Why the hell waste the contact time, such as those things are, on an issue that to me is unnecessary. My signature is fine. Slow fast, its all the same. I worked on my signature intensely when i was doing oils. I have a dynamite signature. What the hell is going on with this guy telling me to work on my signature. Why not use the contact time to advise me on my asking price? That's what i really need. That, they let go completely, ignoring it, consigning me to no sales. So here I am penniless, turning 58 soon, and without a love relationship. It tell you it stinks.

Nobody wants me to succeed.

I remember sitting in a Starbucks working on a drawing of the interior and being aware of an overwhelming feeling that nobody cared what I was doing, didn't want me to learn anything about drawing, wasn't going to follow up on anything I did, and in general found the notion that I was doing my best to be a good artist totally ludicrous. I couldn't maintain my focus. And this wasn't a temporary feeling. It was with me constantly. How the hell am I supposed to be a success when this kind of nonsense is going on. Sorry, but I don't accept the Mafia's pronouncement that I haven't done my part. I got the show at a different Starbucks, despite all this opposition, and then nobody bought anything. I dont know. Seems like they're not backing me up when I do make an advance. What the hell is wrong with them?

Mafia information failure

The mafia, of all entities, needed to know I saw the fire of moses. I didn't know when they annointed me that they needed to know it and they of course had no way of knowing unless I told them, and they don't consult with me. Subsequently, the information got lost. As a result, my entire administration has been characterized by anticipation by the Mafia of a great performance based on no such experience, rather than anticipation of a once in three thousand year performance or greater. Sixteen years has been a waste, and now old age has set in. I suppose it's nobody's fault, but it's damn infuriating.