Friday, August 24, 2012

An important aspect of my nine video life story.

The concept of the nine videos of my life story, presented in the sidebar of this blog and also collected in a youtube playlist, is that getting the whole story is a different experience from getting information from any less complete source about my life during the time covered by the videos. This is probably true of anyone and the common use of video exurpts of reality show participants in private explaining their actions presented on the air, if it antedates my nine videos, may have been inspired by my example, and a much appreciated inspiration for my part as it is one bit of evidence that someone took my videos seriously. I hope this acknowledgement doesn't diminish the value served by them because of committed enemies, who don't consider anything I do worthy and are willing to manipulate events to that end, getting word of this claim of a positive influence.

Why I like my apartment.

I am very pleased with my apartment here in East Garfield Park.

There are two reasons. One is that it's a large one-bedroom. The other is that it overlooks Garfield Park, which is loaded with greenery.

I wish to express my great appreciation for the expertise and care that went into making sure that my living arrangements became more favorable than they were at Bryn Mawr Care.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The power of pretty in the United States.

I have become aware in thinking about my appearance as I make the transition to female that there is a considerable weight given by a certain fraction of the population in the United States to physical beauty, such that, it seems, agreements among physically beautiful people can take on an importance of the highest magnitude. As a female I can see the point, though as a male I couldn't really. I find the desire to look good a strong effect as a female, one that works at all times. I'm not sure if this is or isn't a result of being a biological male having lived until now as a behavioral male. I wonder in this whether my being blacklisted is related to this issue. They don't want people advancing into powerful positions of any sort who don't at least acknowledge beauty as a social merit, all other things being equal. That's my guess. I am more concerned about my perspective now as a female with some degree of such an acknowledgement as this, and everything is on a different timeline.

Official beginning of being a female.

My conversion from male to female has officially begun, as my state IDs now say I am a female. The doctor approved me for feminizing hormones on Monday and my appointment for orientation to the hormones before they begin is August 30. I am accumulating a full set of female clothing and have started dressing as a female full-time. Yesterday I had my ears pierced. One of the biggest challenges at this point is arousing others to see me as pretty. People have been variously supportive and insulting, but the memorable instances are the positive ones. My brother Dave and his wife Rita had previously informed me that if I am crossdressing they don't want me in their home, so I will have to adapt to having no family anymore. My sisters either don't speak to me or say very little, a situation of long standing having nothing to do with transgender issues. Three of my friends have expressed support. The rest haven't said anything.

The name I have chosen to circulate among my acquaintences is Ise Alexandra Batek. Ise was the name of the wife of noted architect Walter Gropius. I met her on an open house to her home with the architects I was working with in the Boston area. She cornered me in a corridor and told me she thought I didn't look like a James, more like a Phillip. Phillip of Macedonia was the father of Alexander the Great, thus the middle name of Alexandra. The last name will go if I get married. I have reconciled with not having my own children. I'm a blank page as far as men go. I'm not worrying about it. I'm getting used to letting go of all my male impulses and taking up the female ones.

After one year of hormones I will be eligible for sex reassignment surgery. I am told it might be possible to get a grant for that. I am hoping to get one as Medicare and Medicaid don't cover it, though they do cover hormones. Male to female surgery is said to be more successful at this stage of medical progress than female to male surgery. They make a "neovagina" with the skin from your removed testicles and a clitoris from the head of your removed penis. I saw a video of part of the procedure and it was disturbing, but the further I get along in my conversion the less I care about keeping my male genitals. Although I can change my name anytime, like anyone, I can't change the sex on my birth certificate until I have the surgery. Plus a name change costs over $300.

The law in Illinois prohibits harassment or discrimination against anyone because of their gender expression. So far nothing prompting me to prosecute has occurred. Lots of stares, some guffaws, and a few bold questions, but also some smiles and complimentary comments. I feel very much that the community of women is beckoning me to take part in their adventure, despite a contingent of those who do not seem ready to have me as a part of their community.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

My intentions in the matter of my gender.

I am going ahead with consultations with the doctor on my gender identity disorder. I had suspended consultations indefinitely after one visit to him in which he seemed ready to procede based on the fact that no actual clot had been found in me when I had a gangrenous bowel in 2008. At that time I was told by the doctors handling the surgery that the only possible cause of a gangrenous bowel is a blood clot, and that they therefore were of the opinion I did have one. I suspended consultations about transgendering because I was concerned that the doctor there was indicating he was ready to procede and my personal opinion at the time was that this was improper.

In the interim I have found it impossible to continue being a male and this has changed my opinion of the risks involved with transgendering. I now feel that if the doctor decides that the facts are in favor of proceding, then I will do so. It is better in my view to live as a female with a risk of a clot, which could have a number of dire consequences, than to live as a male, a path that has proven of no interest to me other than to parade around the fact that I am a male just for its own sake.

But there is the chance at present that the doctor will decide, for whatever reason, that it is not proper to procede with hormones and surgery to make me a female. In that instance I have now settled my mind that I would go ahead with beginning public cross dressing and change my gender by common law after letting people in general know that is my intent, using a chosen female name. I do not like the thought of being a biological male while living as a female. There are plumbing issues that are unpalatable, and without hormone therapy there would be a lot of obstacles to smooth functioning in a female identity. Plus, there is a great deal less legal support for a common law arrangement than having the law accept a change of gender and name on my birth certificate, which it would only do if I were approved for hormone therapy.

One thing that encourages me is that in Illinois it is illegal to discriminate against or harass someone for his choice of gender identity. This includes simply cross dressing.

I want to begin cross dressing in public again only once the doctor has made a final decision of whether to approve hormone therapy or not. I will need to prepare myself going into it for exactly the condition under which I will be operating, the alternatives being so radically different.

I wish to note that in the event I am able to get hormone treatment and surgery, there will be no biological heirs for me and I would share my best work freely with the world. If I end up retaining the ability to have biological heirs because of inability to get hormones and surgery, I would continue not to share the best work, saving it for my heirs as a competitive advantage in life in general.
I look forward to a much happier and healthier life as a female, and will continue throughout to exercise those functions which have been alotted to me as a person of some standing in the universe. I have much yet to accomplish and many ideas on how to go about it.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Why I support Barack Obama for reelection as President.

I support Barack Obama for reelection as President of the United States because of two major accomplishments during his time in office thus far.

One is passage of the Affordable Care Healthcare Bill. I consider this an accomplishment regardless of the merits of the bill. It was a controversial bill. Passage required an enormous political endeavor reaching to all parts of the country and its government and institutions. I am not an expert in general healthcare and I don't presume to be able to argue competently the merits of the bill one way or another. The fact that it seems a reasonable measure, in times where there are people advocating extreme measures in large quantity, is merit enough for me. What convinces me that this is an accomplishment is that it qualifies the President as a man able to get controversial measures passed in Congress, and now approved by the Supreme Court. I don't think this would have been a quality many would have guessed he had in him leading up to his election.

The other accomplishment is the killing of Osama bin Laden. Operations of all kinds, including Special Operations such as this one, depend very greatly on cool heads and sound reasoning from those in command. Without taking away from the obviously superlatve work by the team that carried out the mission, one cannot say that this President lacks military acumen, and that is proven here at the ultimate level of President. The challenging opponent cannot say that.

As for the performance of the economy there is nothing anyone can do to guarantee over a small time interval such as four years that it will do well. The President has done much, as much as any person without a Ph.D. in economics can do, and has relied as he should on counsel. My own view is colored by ecological factors accounting for the crash of 2008, so there is not much I can inject effectively into political debate. The challenger is no better that the President in having to rely on advisors here.

For these reasons I support the President in his bid for reelection. It gives me no pause, having said that, that I wish for the best man to win.