Thursday, August 20, 2009

defense of my dispute with a resident over Crystal

After I posted about my dispute with a Bryn Mawr Care resident over Crystal, which see, I had a discussion of it with a good friend who objected to my handling of it because of what he said was my use of violence instead of my "grey matter". I asked this friend for pemission to post to my blog a certain part of my correspondence with him as it seemed to be a good defense of my position. He gave me that permission. Here is the exerpt:

Life in the city, if you're really serious about it, eventually gets you into fights. You can't stake your claim by polite competition, not indefinitely. Crystal does not say I am her boyfriend. I am making progress on that, as you note. One aspect of the pursuit is the consensus in the community about who is pursuing whom. If someone feels comfortable making statements about Crystal that can be interpreted as vying for her despite my making it known I am pursuing her, then the consensus needs some correction. I did that. Mr. Lisk didn't take me seriously as a condition in his role here with respect to Crystal. He was not listening to me when I simply told him she isn't his girlfriend. He would not have listened to me if I simply repeated it, or rephrased it or elaborated. He was content to make such statements without fear of reprisal. I did not accept that this was a necessary situation. There was only one way to change it and I used it. Mr. Lisk felt the fury of my action and was visibly shaken by it. Then I continued in it until I was satisfied he changed his tune. It took every ounce of my grey matter that you cited to me so aptly in a way, to structure my response to get that result--the staging of the battles, the selection of objectives, and the phrasing of statements--as a permanent change in the consensus of the community at the nursing home. Now they all know what I will do if someone rivals me for the hand of Crystal, and it's not unsupported by the degree to which she has allowed herself to be pursued by me. She was present at the final argument that saw Mr. Lisk back down and so she is aware to some extent now of how I am pursuing her in the larger context beyond the two of us alone. It is intelligent. It, if you will pardon my license, is honorable. It certainly is not taking the easier path.