Higher racism behind the rift between myself and my father.

There are countless points of disagreement between the supporters of my father, on one side, and myself, on the other.

This is not essentially a matter between my father and me. It concerns those who gave him counsel. The central point around which all others revolve is his statement to me early in 1969 that I was not going to get into Yale, said with both emphasis and certainty, but coming from someplace not previously so manifest. My immediate sense was that this was something he had gotten from someone else.

This sense was reinforced when I returned from my first year at Yale and he said he had gotten a report that I had taken sociology at Yale. I fail to see how this error served him. It could only have been intended to inject disorder into our family.

There is much to recommend the view that both comments were known by him to be false. However, that view is too easy. It also takes me as fool enough to be affected by these comments.

A more rational view is that someone was trying to sabotage me by, as I suggested, injecting disorder into the family. This purpose would consequently not have a motive in racial disharmony, since it plays fast and furious with such matters, and so hardly having any effect there.

Why would they cause my father such confusion if his racial position was the same as theirs? It seems to be not a matter of values, but of mating. Without parental support I was unable to put together a plan for marriage to any of the more than satisfactory females, including three perfect ones. This is perhaps yet a racial issue, but a much higher form of race understanding that has my father and me as unworthy ethnic stock.

Thus being accepted by Yale had a consequence of invoking some form of international power against me in such ways that my admission to Yale, known accurately to such a power, would invoke countermeasures that would follow me wherever I went, once they were certain I would get in. This power would have as much against my father as it had against me.

Such opposition would appear to have no solution other than unlimited conflict. I can't offer them anything else, as anything else would be a surrender.

I can only count on my deliberations being taken constructively by those who follow them.