I posted recently that I've been dating a girl for a few months, a girl by the name of Crystal Newell. Tonight I told her I'm going to tell everyone she's my girlfriend. This was a critical moment. She is quite capable of perceiving a breaking point, even though she is mentally ill, like me, especially if she is composed, hears the words clearly, and is given plenty of time to make a response.
First I asked her in the activity room of the nursing home where we live. She didn't say anything. The activity worker who was right there was startled by the directness of my statement. He asked me, “did you say you're going to tell everyone she's your girlfriend?” Then he asked, “are you guys dating?” I looked at him smiling and let him know that yes, we are. Crystal still didn't say anything.
Then later she left the room. It was time for my medications—I portion out my meds myself, it's called self-meds—so I left the room after her. As I approached the elevator I noticed that she was there getting on. I got on with her and we were the only ones in the elevator. It started to go up. I knew I had to get her consent to start telling everyone she is my girlfriend. We hadn't mentioned the words girlfriend or boyfriend until I did tonight and it's not something I assumed she would welcome. I needed her to say it was okay.
So I told her again there in the elevator, “I'm going to tell everyone you're my girlfriend.”
What do you suppose she said?
She said, “all right.”
So now the relationship has reached a certain level of stability. She may not have needed it but it will help me in my pursuit of her in the larger world. I can insert talk of her as my girlfriend into any of my affairs with any of my friends, family, and associates, without having to place caveats of tentativelness or uncertainty.
Crystal is young, twenty five. She is more or less beginning to define her own sexual values. As far as I can tell these are extremely ethical and unswayed by convention or consensus. I prize her affections more than I ever did any other girl's.
I continue to be convinced that there are the makings here of a line of heirs. I must push forward on establishing an income.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Crystal Newell is my girlfriend. You may tell anyone.