Thursday, April 9, 2009

allegation: Yale and Princeton admitted girls for some warped reason related to me

There is a presence in the audience resembling the frantic grasping used by Jon Astroth to pin me in less than half a minute in our finalist wrestling match in junior high school. It is disolving my creative work at a rapid rate.

Jon and I were both in the band in the seventh grade. We both played clarinet. He was ranked in the first few seats of the last row. I was in the last few seats. There were about 12 in the last row altogether. There was a challenge among everyone in the last row--a test of a piece of music in private audience by the band director. The results determined the new rankings. My father, Ken Batek, promised me 50 cents for every seat I moved up. I went to the top. I don't know where Jon went. It wasn't the top. I don't recall him being in the band in the eighth grade. I became first chair.

I don't recall what year the wrestling tournament was held--the one I recall wrestling Jon in. It was a 2-year junior high school.

My father forced me to apply to U of I for college. That's apparently where Jon went, as my investigations show he lives near there now. Maybe my father figured if I was such a hot wrestler in high school i could follow him to U of I and get a second shot at him.

Jon and I were both straight a students. He was a star athlete on the basketball team in junior high. He starred on the baseball, basketball, and football teams in high school. In football he was the starting quarterback. In football our school was in a 3-way tie for first in the conference our senior year. Jon was never in any of my honors classes, either in junior high or in high school. I don't know what his class rank was in high school. Mine was 8th of about 600 second semester junior year, 5th first semester senior year, and second semester senior year I had gotten into Yale, Princeton, and RPI and didn't bother to ask for my rank. My father had told me I would be rejected by Yale. I don't know if he was lying or not. Freshman year at Yale when I came home for break my father told me he had heard I was taking sociology and he told me he was very upset with me for doing so. I wasn't taking any sociology at Yale. Yale had determined that my father's fair share of my college costs was $2000 per year. He informed me he would only pay $1200. He wouldn't pay any more for me than he was going to for Sandy. Maybe he was trying to keep me from succeeding at Yale. In junior high my father's mother, Marie Batek, gave me a christmas gift of a math game called "wff n proof". It was over my head. One of the most famous things about Yale is the senior singing group called the Wiffnpoofs. In junior high my mother caught me cross dressing in my parent's bedroom and told me if I did it again she would tell my father. I did it again. Then one weekend the family took a trip to chicago and stayed in a hotel. They didn't invite me. I stayed at home and cross dressed. When they got back they said they saw Sammy Davis Jr. in an elevator. My father considered blacks as a racist. Yale admitted girls the year I arrived. Princeton did the same year. I wrote when I was having trouble with blacks in boston that the kkk had a general, meaning me. My father came, took me to see Al Haig's wife, and she gave me a bunch of used clothes. When my father's father died I went to the interment at Bohemia National. My father lurched in "tears" toward me, I think he was trying to see if I was grieving. When he left me at my apartment he made a comment under his breath that I would never be with a white woman again. His father was known to the family as having been in the kkk.

If Yale was induced to admit girls to manage my image with someone by making it possible I was a girl and not a cross dresser, is it any wonder I became mentally ill?

Let (Yale and Princeton admitted girls for some warped reason having to do with my father's furor over my cross dressing) = A.

If A, then B, I am the most important Yalie ever, C, someone has an investment of that scale in keeping me from distinguishing myself, D, no effort will be spared to be sure of that, and E, the active intelligence pitted against me is not my father's, but someone much more capable.

My role is not lessened by D.

Defeat for me implies I will not have a white woman.

The more damning condition is all the things I have done to distinguish myself which have been undermined because of C, D, and E. if A is proven, then the reparations will be astronomical. As Osiris, my deeds are enormous, all to no endorsement. The only sufficient terms are spotlights.

The presence resembling Jon Astroth's pin of me might be only one aspect of a larger presence that includes the power E. The pin effect would then be only my memory of it, not any part of Mr. Astroth's camp.

I never considered Jon Astroth an arch enemy. Evidently my father considered wrestling my only way to redeem myself as a man despite my cross dressing. I think of it as a side show to the real conflict, which was intelligence. My father's mother committed herself to getting me into Yale. This proved an error that she was unable to easily fix. I find it repugnant that she used coercive means to get me to select Yale. Possibly the reasoning was not to get me to select Yale, but to get ambitious about going to Yale. Either way, it's coercion. It presumes that I would forever be subservient to her will, and not able to advance without coercion. It shows a lack of what it takes to be a leader, or just to raise one. The whole plan backfired. When A is proven it will be historical damnation for my father and his mother, not because they went so far to conceal my cross dressing, but because they coerced me into going to Yale, second thought it, and watched as my ruin proceded.

Evidently, since Dave Ristau was cut in at the moment of JFK's death, the mob considered me presidential material. This made coercion desirable to them. It's still unlike a leader. Better to let the country have a lesser president than a better president except for being coerced into going down that road, unable to know his life with clarity. Such is not a great president. We have plenty of the lesser kind, and that's all I could have become, if indebted to such a plot. The cross dressing is a result of greater sex appetite. They discount that I might have a great appetite for girls, which I do, than just about anyone. This marked me for greater destiny than the presidency. When A is proven, and history makes a sharp turn, many lives will be parted from many lives.