The key challenge to a world under one constitution--vandalism.

In a world united under one constitution it would seem that there would be one fundamental challenge, other than the myriad acute challenges of political power, and that would be vandalism in a world where blame for all behavioral failings is laid to bacteria. Such a world would be deprived of its current answer to vandalism--punishment. How could vandalism be prevented from spinning out of control and destroying civilization from within?

This is a problem no one has considered, because bacteria are deemed incapaable of intelligent behavior.

Here I am using the term vandalism to include all crime, up to and including terrorism.

Much depends on how well the argument that bacteria regulate all central nervous systems goes, and with which groups and individuals. That also will determine whether the world will ever unify under one constitution.

Much also depends on how much understanding of misfortune comes about, and what government decides is rightfully addressed, as a result of a successful argument about bacteria.

I see no reason why humans shouldn't seek a symbiotic steady-state with bacteria, something on the lines of what some insects have. If human leadership is able to understand the argument but the masses are not, as I suspect will be the case, then a serious schism will come about that will give serious power to those who understand, and a more stable environment for others. In a sense, everyone stands to gain significantly.

On a public monarchy in America.

When I was initially made First by the Italian monarchy in Chicago I kept it to myself and I don't remember the occasion of my first telling someone. I never told anyone about it over the phone or other telecommunications device before I uploaded my videos telling the story of my life in three hours to Google Video in 2006 and after that put them onto the sidebar here in this blog. I believe there were a few people I told in person or gave the dvd of the videos to, months or years after becoming First. This gave to those people who, among the Italian monarchy in Chicago, knew of my elevation a long time to prepare for an eventual informing of x number of people by myself and possibly more by public announcement or second-hand and so on information from me. Such preparations may never have been made, or may have been made. I do not know.

My principal concern in this is for the possibility of word of this event reaching another monarchy in the United States. I am not certain what the consequences of that would be for myself and for the rest of the nation. I have not seen any evidence certainly that it has occurred. I must reckon that a monarchy in the United States would take someone's unheralded claim to be First of another monarchy as a form of challenge to its own power. I would guess that a new First would usually rely on his entourage to inform those in need of knowing of the fact, so that it could be done without creating a conflict of power. I have no entourage. I could have initiated one but I chose not to, as it seemed to me this would weaken my contact with the population. In retrospect, this has been a good choice for exactly that reason.

Now that my living circumstances have stabilized I am in a position to speculate that being First without an entourage gives me certain opportunities that others of my species might find favorable for themselves, such as the opportunity to express my view of the history and present day state of affairs of Chicago, the United States, and the human species. I say that such expressions might be favorable to others only because I have a standard of expression that tends in the direction of truth, as some may agree is the case and some may disagree. I find the opinion, held by some, that, because of my hypothesis concerning the regulation of all animal CNSs by bacteria, I am a crackpot, to make it impossible for me to honor my audience with the benefit of the doubt in the matter of whether I tend toward the truth in my expressions. I must insist that I do, and I will pursue my views of history and the present with forthright intent to make my case if I feel there is sufficient reason to believe that my view is necessary for the truth to emerge on any issue of importance to the species.

I do not expect that I can direct this species by merely a notice of instruction. If I know that a man is better off doing A than doing B then the only way I am going to get him to do A is by giving him an argument he can understand in A's favor. In most matters of general welfare any two alternatives A and B will be so complex that such an argument will be embedded in numerous envelopes of professional knowledge. Most such argument will be better omitted and simple observations made to serve to move us all in the direction of seeing the matter more clearly so that the poplulation is as a result easier to work with, not to mention happier.

I would like to make it apparent that I am very conscious of my responsibility to speak as a First of an American monarchy, to do so without fear and with the good of the population always at heart. We all know there are errors of both omission and commission and I take both seriously. One thing I particularly don't want to omit is the fact that I owe a great deal to the Chicago Italian monarchy. My hope is that I have served well, confirmed some expectations, and quashed some reservations, in the twenty some years I have been First. I look to some further duration in this capacity and don't view it with any dimmer optimism than that with which I began it in 1993. I have yet to marry and still consider it possible, including having children. I have no prospective lady at this time.

One goal I have set for myself is to see the world open itself to a resolution of the accounting differences between the nations' economies, a necessary precursor, I believe, to unification of the species into one constitutional body. The obstacles are enormous, but my understanding is that they exist because bacteria want to maintain a path to war so that there is a penalty for humans burying their dead in coffins. It may be a confusing issue, but I feel it would require as much bother for humans to abandon coffins as it would for them to solve all the technical difficulties of unifying the economies. Neither seems to be the likely course to lasting peace, if one exists. But humans may be able to understand regulation by bacteria of their central nervous systems, or at least those among them who recognize sound scientific speculation at work in my hypothesis, and there is yet some chance that there are some. A partnership between myself and them would be good for everyone, for different reasons those who see my sense and those who don't.

This seems enough of an introduction to my view of life among the humans and I will take my leave with good wishes to all.

A hypothesis that bacteria regulate all animals' CNSs.

In the year 2010 I posted to the site physicsforums.com, stating that it is my hypothesis that bacteria regulate all animals' CNSs, their central nervous systems. I stated that this hypothesis prompted me to speculate that the reason humanity began to experience wars was that they started to put their dead in coffins, denying bacteria of the tissue of humans for ingestion. I stated that to validate this speculation I looked in a reference work on anthropology for the approximate dates of these two events, the start of wars and the start of coffin use, to see if they were about the same, as this would point to the possiblility of a causal relationship. I don't recall the figures I found but I do recall that they were very nearly the same. I included this fact in my post to physicsforums.com.

I also stated in the post that I had considered it necessary for my hypothesis to be correct that the population of bacteria adhering to the human body must be extremely numerous, but that I had no information of my own on this matter and always had assumed, before forming my hypothesis, that there was only a small population. I posted that I had checked and found that there is inheed an enormous population of bacteria on the human body, ten times the number of cells of the body itself, the exact number varying with the way the question is defined. The reason that a large body population is necessary is that each organism has to be fit into a comprehensive ecological array of relationships within the bacterial population, and doing this requires that the bacterial interest in each species that is important to a species has to be represented in the bacteria surrounding each individual body, so that existing arrangements with regard to any emergent actions or situations may be enforced immdiately.

The result of this post was that I was banned from the site, with the reason stated as "crackpot."

Consequently, I find it contrary to my interests to share any further work of my own with scientists, and share details about my bacterial hypothesis here only because I have already revealed it, and in the event others find it to be reasonable and worthy of investigation I will get full credit for the discovery, if that is what it is found to be.

If the hypothesis is correct then evolution in the animal kingdom is the result of scheming by bacteria, the course of human history is not of men's own doing, and productivity leading to ownership and power, and culpabillity of criminals, are not attributable to those enjoying or suffering them, to any significant degree, but to the whims of bacteria, or whatever their equivalent affect is.

Since I cannot attribute to the operators of physicsforums.com the responsibility for banning me I have no reason to damn them. But like so many of the things I see people glorify themselves with while I refuse to engage in the same sort of grab bag, I certainly hold out hope that eventually my science and my industry will emerge as the superior agent of fortune, and those who choose to join with me in pursuing my hypothesis in a spirit of collegial endeavor such as underlies the best of science, will also join with me in the rewards such an endeavor ultimately will bring, if I am right, while those who call me a crackpot will fall into a lesser circle of knowers and doers to be handled like chattel.

On a second term for Barack Obama

While I am naturally in favor of a second term for Barack Obama because I believe it is a major move by American power bases in support of my desire to see better relations between blacks and whites in this country, I must clarify that Mr. Obama's candidacy for president was not my idea and my simple satisfaction at his first election amounts to an easy call that doesn't challenge me in any significant way as a vehicle of racial harmony. This position of mine amounts to a denial that it is my duty with regard to American powers to work on behalf of Mr. Obama's reelection campaign as if its success depended on my actions and statements. I am thoroughly committed to racial harmony in the U.S. I think a lot about the blacks I live among. I look for insights about the special situation that blacks here are in. I try, with varying success, to use discretion about what I write here and elsewhere about blacks. I believe what I write is taken seriously by American powers and this warrants such discretion. I admit I have made some errors in exercising this discretion. I hope I have learned from each such incident and that I will make fewer of them in the future. A United States that draws on the special abilities of each and every citizen and resident will in my view be a stronger unit in the international family of the species, and without such strong units this species will be unable to break from its past of inevitable wars, which I consider a challenge I am particularly well suited by upbringing and personal journey to advance. I am uncertain of the outcome in regard to war. Racial conflict is a major, perhaps the greatest, distraction to progress in the matter. A black president does a great deal to advance causes far beyond simply racial harmony. Mr. Obama's Nobel Peace Prize is understandable from this point of view. However, there is in this prize some obfuscation of the underlying facts. Peace will be served by recognition of the president by the international community, no doubt. But it is going to take some doing to get to the next level here. It may be that a black president has played out most of its value for world peace. I certainly hope not, and I hope that his presidency represents an opportunity of great rarety for development of far reaching improvements in the utility of political structures for all the needs of men. Such an opportunity must be made apparent or it will be in danger of evaporating. I will think on this.

My relations with bees

Honey bees, according to NBC news, are suffering from a mysterious disorder that has resulted in large population loss, on the order of 30% since 2006. NBC noted that honey bees are necessary for pollenation of crops that humans depend on for food, and cannot be replaced by other agents.

It is my belief that honey bees can identify humans by their irises because the bees have compound eyes that observe a complex logic that enables this identification of mammals on a selective basis where bees desire to take a certain ecological stand. I believe that bees identified Moses as he floated down the river as a baby, and used him to gain some control over the Egyptian domains. I believe that bees identified me when I tortured them as a child, and are responsible for my rise to unusual high position, and then for my casting into oblivion and loss of my chances to win a Ph.D. in astronomy at Yale, an M.A. in architecture at IIT, and certain Chicago opportunities, though this last loss is being contested.

These poor relations between bees and myself are most unfortunate. I was young and reckless when I committed my offense and now regret it. However, ecology seems to be working in my favor now, despite the cost that might be paid by the human species as a whole. I could tolerate downsizing of the species due to loss of crop production. If it means an end to my enduring bad luck, I'm all for it.

Having crossed that bridge, I declare that I favor 100% population loss of honey bees--extinction.

Endorsement of Barack Obama for president.

Today Barack Obama said he supports gay marriage and in view of my having declared I am in favor of equal rights as a whole for the GLBT community, having spent some time intending to be transgender myself and realizing I owed a great debt to others who are GLBT and have worked for the rights of that whole group, I am formally issuing an endorsement of Mr. Obama for his re-election bid this year.

osiris

I have had three osiris moments, the first in 1980 while sitting in the cafeteria at Yale's Kline Biology Tower top floor, the second in either 1989, 1990, or 1991 in my bed in my single bedroom in the graduate dorm in the residence halls at IIT, and the third in either 1991 or 1992 while lying on the floor in my sleeping bag in the bedroom of my apartment on Gunnison in Chicago.

An osiris moment is when the body is flushed with vibrations that temporarily incapacitate the senses of orientation and awareness except for the bones--thus "os"--and the color in the eyes--thus "iris".

Continuing the pattern of the Egyptian Osiris, the three females who take the part of Isis, the lover of Osiris, in these three events can be prospectively identified as Betty Wilt, my maternal grandmother, in the first instance, Laura Gilliam, a playmate of my sister Linda about eight years my junior and aged about six when the affair occurred, in the second instance, and Antoinette Marie Burchard, about 15 years my senior and a pickup at the foot of the John Hancock building in Chicago, in the third instance. The first instance was never spoken of and was only in looks. The second instance was acted on to a little extent. The third instance was a repeated liason for intercourse. The three affairs occurred in districts associated with the institutions in which the Osiris moments occurred, these being, in the first instance, various California institutions that got me into Yale graduate school, in the second instance, the elementary schools of the Chicago metropolitan area, and in the third instance the City of Chicago.

All three affairs were toward the risque side, decreasing in that progressively, just as they increased in blatant sexuality progressively.

The role of Seth, brother of Osiris, who tormented him because of the love affair with Isis, was taken in the first instance by the son of Betty, William Wilt. The second and third instances of Seth are uncertain.

The affairs took place in the years 1980 with Betty in the first Osiris instance, about 1964 with Laura in the second Osiris instance, and 1972 to 1978 with Antoinette in the third Osiris instance.

this blog added to Yale alumni blogroll

It gives me pleasure to state that the Yale Alumni Magazine site has added this blog of mine to its alumni blogroll. Here is a link to that site where the blogroll is.

Thank you to the Yale Alumni Magazine.

2 opposing hypotheses to explain my enduring bad luck

I now have two opposing hypotheses to explain my enduring bad luck.

One is that I have a deep-lying tendency to mishandle opportunity. This tendency would be both wide in scope and narrow in effect. The hypothesis does not speculate about the origin of this tendency.

The other hypothesis is that I have been blacklisted, so that all my initial development of opportunity is allowed to procede but at a certain point, when the course of the opportunity is more definite, events are counteracted by sufficient force coming from some power which does not need to reveal itself but gets all the information it needs to manage the black list. This is a difficult hypothesis to test without a good lead on who is responsible, and instead what I have are numerous small leads not amounting to a coherent case against one party. One suspect is my father and his circle. Another suspect is International Communism. The evidence behind these accusations is given in my autobiography.

My duty to defend the United States.

Because I have spoken out to suggest that war is a result of the arbitrariness of the practice of putting the dead in coffins, and that this particular arbitrariness will only be escaped if arbitrariness in general is more or less escaped by humanity, there is now in the United States a state in which there is a mixture of this suggestion foregoing with the traditional inertias regarding the real danger of war, not likely to pass away by reason of the suggestion because of the magnitude of those inertias and the meagreness of my authority in the United States, even though that authority of mine is not trifling. Another factor in this unlikeliness is that the evidence supporting the suggestion regarding coffins is not voluminous.

That being the case, I reason that my duty to defend the United States, as made plain by the complete set of nine videos in the sidebar, must extend not only to suggest such outside chances to avoid war forever as I have done, but to engage reasonably in the management of the dangers of war as practiced traditionally, and as organized by the powers that be here. Naturally, we are mostly a peace loving nation, and I would necessarily want to work to avoid war before conceding that it is inevitable. I have a sense that war can be prevented by reasonable efforts. However, I also have a suspicion that my hypothesis about the cause of wars is valid, and that my sense war can be prevented is mistaken. I do not like this situation. The comfort of a home in a nation at peace having a considerable armed force with a history of victories is historically a small assurance of security, relatively speaking.

Consistent with my hypothesis about coffins I try to upgrade my arbitrarinesses to randomnesses, and my randomnesses to argued decisions. The whole idea of the hypothesis is that bacteria regulate all animal central nervous systems, that they are upset when coffins deny them meals, and that they wreak havoc on human plans for where their bodies end up by regulating us into wars. The fact I discovered is that anthropologically the date of the beginning of coffin use and the date of the beginning of wars are very close. The part about bacteria regulating CNSs is somewhat a speculation, but it led me to expect that bacterial accompaniment of the body is much much more than I had been taught it was, and when I checked and found that this accompaniment is in fact of the same magnitude as the number of the body's own cells, I was turned more in the direction of believing the hypothesis.

In the end, all I can do is suggest. Physicsforums.com banned me when I suggested it, calling me a "crackpot." This does not speak well for the scientific method as practiced by humans. It also gives me little reason to view men with charity in their wholehearted embracement of arbitrariness.

As for defending the country, I am as much at risk as anyone, and I will do my part.

a necessary follow-up to a statement I made to my students in introductory astronomy at Yale.

One day in the astronomy section I taught at Yale in 1980 I asked the class what the speed of light was. It was a loaded question. In mks terms (meters, kilograms, seconds) it is 299,792,458 meters/second. But in general relativity terms, all the fundamental constants have the geometrically significant value of 1. So, knowing general relativity is not familiar to most general studies undergraduates, I thought I would throw them a curveball with the possibility of a later "ah-hah!" moment. I said, "it's one." Evidently no one recognized this value as c, the speed of light, and the room was dead-faced and some were absolutely shocked and mystified. I had no intention of ruining the ahah potential and didn't explain myself, saying nothing more that class. It might have been my last session. I was shortly undergoing a mental illness relapse because I had decided to go off my medication a few months before arriving at Yale for graduate school.

My apologies to anyone only now getting this brief explanation.

A neologism by myself.

In his lifetime a man takes part as a member of many teams in sports or business; causual or serious; fleeting or enduring. Sometimes the boundaries between these teams, and the identifications of members, is not so clear. Each instance of such experience brings greater understanding of one's capabilities and potential, both as a team member and as an individual. I give to the idea of the practice of taking part in teams, as I describe foregoing, the term "teamsmanship." I think it is a new one and I find it very helpful in keeping from getting too comfortable about being a member of any one or another single team, while providing a central idea to gather all my thoughts about my ongoing development of team skills in various settings and various team memberships. It serves as somewhat of a counterpoint to the term and idea "sportsmanship," where everything is for the moment and winning or losing is today's only marker. A nation needs men to last beyond defeat, and to take victory deeper into the population.

On the matter of Iran.

If I tell Iran that if it abandons any plans to build a nuclear bomb it will be rewarded to its requirements, will the United States and Israel honor this promise? If I am assured of this I will so tell Iran.

An apology regarding my romantic record.

I have realized that my crossdressing involvements have made it impossible for me to engage in romance as a complete partner. It's more than just a distraction. It seems now to me that it's very very destructive. I am going to do the best job I can now to give myself the benefit of a complete dedication to normal sexuality, and this will hopefully end the trouble that this misbehavior has caused for others, especially those women I have participated in romance with. It's hard to say what the actual harm has been, but there is no doubt it has resulted in my total isolation and discontent with this civilization. The point I wish to end on is that I apologize.

On Islam, and other things.

Muhummad had the advantage of knowing the work of Jesus. Jesus had the advantage of knowing the work of Moses. Moses suffered more than Jesus or Muhummad and I think had a greater effect than they did. He probably wasn't interested in history. I feel no need to position him, as that is probably not the way to understand his importance. I would hope the same is true of me since I have made the claim to be something of an equal to him. I judge myself on my effects, and I have a need to keep my discipline as high as necessary to achieve my potential. I have argued that war is a consequence of a poor relationship between mankind and his perported CNS regulator, that is, bacteria, and specifically mankind's decision to put his dead in coffins. I don't think anything less than abandonment of that pracitce will bring about an end to war. It is an arbitrary practice and one might think it easy enough to abandon, but there are many such arbitrary practices by mankind and how is one to settle on this one as more significant that the others? It is an impossible approach, the straightforward abandonment of the said practice. Besides that, it just has no sense of global values, but only would seem to emerge from a basically retarded motive with respect to the problem on earth. Ending war is an object of gratification in terms of any individual espousing it. The motive has to be decentralized. A world of no kings or hierarchies would result from decentralized senses, although this is a lie. Vast expanses of individuals would find equality amidst themselves, and competition would lie around momentary objectives. But certain understandings would separate out sets according to unattainable function. It is a matter of value.

My estimation of what success for Homo sapiens requires.

It is my judgment that my fundamental difference with Homo sapiens, the nature of which has brought about the current economic malaise around the world, is in my way with making marks on paper. It is therefore only possible to advance economically for Homo sapiens if it moves to understand my way and to incorporate it into Homo sapiens' own ways, possibly leading to a new species if it means that only certain units of the species are able to adapt in this.

The economic malaise results from my ways because they create a one person versus the species eccentricity with regard to the animate stability that formerly was some type of normal distribution around all individuals.

I suppose it depends what kind of trajectory this message takes within Homo sapiens, just what adaptive effects occur. As a document, it actually is secondary because it is not marks on paper and cannot incorporate directly my most original work. But if adaptation is possible, some accommodations to Homo sapiens ways will surely be a part of it. And so I offer these lines of guidance.

Intelligence is an acquired trait.

A corollary to my hypothesis that bacteria regulate all central nervous systems is that intelligence is an acquired trait, one that forms along a strongly over-determined pathway so that the result is a trait that in most cases does not vary in testable measure.

That measure is perhaps a matter of taste more than anything else--taste for education.

My mother's misappreciation of my intelligence.

My mother was very intelligent. However, she never accepted the challenge of intelligence. She was content to ride along on a small ambition. This did not prepare her for the subtleties of raising a child who was even more intelligent than she was--myself. It was evident at graduation from Yale, where she was in attendance, that all of this commotion was a feather in her cap, and that was as far as she was able to take it. Such was the guidance I got from day one at this college. My father was an outsider but at least did not mount an effective obstacle course to it. They all were into emotion and the range of possibilities it allowed. It was this estimate of the potential I had that I played out.

My disappointment at not being taught to read the first day of school went as an anecdote and a curiosity, and this marked the duration of my flirtation with school to the last day of my years at IIT.

It was the sighting of the burning building a la Moses's bush that brought things into allignment. The oversize enlargement of my potential was made greater still by the emotional pettiness I was born into. Ecological forces stepped in and this is continuing to today. Even the comprehension of the Mafia of my potential is rooted in emotional misapprehension. They are right about one thing--I need to work out the significance of my crossdressing and get back on track in the male role path.

Obama's reelection is not predictable.

I am of the opinion that though I would like to see President Obama win a second term, his not winning would not be a disaster. My motives are entirely selfish. I think I am entitled to that. It is up to the President to win another term if he can, and the people to get the man they want, for their own motives. I don't presume to know those well enough to say who the winner will be. If I have an option that clearly weighs in for the President I will take it. But it's a vast theater in politics, like every street corner. I just walk in them. I couldn't have predicted Mr. Obama would win in 2008, so I have no business deciding whether he will win this year. Surely makes for a more interesting election anyway.

Thoughts on Iran and the United States

In my view the United States are no less theologically based than Iran. It is in the way people talk, starting with the War of Independence and on down through the years to today. This determines the way things develop throughout and deeply within the entire nation, domestically and around the world. Law may be guaged to separate church and state, but it is of no use in the unconscious affairs of men, those that determine the pitch and direction of the nation.

Let us not therefore assign to Iran the role of extremist in foreign values. Americans are just as extreme and cannot truthfully argue to the contrary. If there is to be reason sufficient in commerce between the nations, and between their people, for assuring that religion is not the engine of process, but rather that truth is, then we must subject ourselves to as forthright an investigation as we subject others to. It is never too soon to do this, even better in fact to do it while there is no war to stiffen our resolve, an effect we so dearly cherish during conflict and let define our reputation afterward. It is in our relaxed moments that our fates are sealed, by the weakness of our committment to scientific validity, and our deferment to common sense when opportunities to extend our senses lie in rare sense, where so many of our most revered predecessors have spirited us into small increments of success as a species.

If peace is to become a habit on earth for humanity, it shall come out of a place of implacable discovery, and unsettled posture. A little urge is as great an influence as a large one, and more preferable for its greater breadth of exits.

I look forward to learning among men that small things carry large truths, and in that account a book is rather too large to be included. This leaves religion out of the picture entirely.

The mugging meltdown.

In the aftermath of my publishing  what I will call an "Assertion M"--for "Meltdown"--which concerned my relation to the black race, I have been mugged by two armed men, and in an attempt to prevent any future recurrence of a mugging I threatened I would change political parties if one did. Now further repercussions have shown the situation to be in meltdown mode. I believe this calls for a clarification of why I made Assertion M.

Ever since my homelessness in New York, New Haven, and Boston I have had difficulties with the black race. However, I ultimately decided I would side with liberal values and made a statement of this committment in 1993. This statement was taken as my word of honor and I have been working in the interest of black people ever since, preferring tolerance in conflicts but also contributing money to the United Negro College Fund. Despite this turn of events there has been a plot among black people to do me in, as they say, unbroken to the present. It has been my belief that this plot was largely arranged by white racist forces which desired to poison my relations with black people because these racist elements knew I would be a potent force if a merger of intents were formed between myself and blacks. The fit for this racist element lies in the Communist Party, internationally. An explanation of my run-in with the party is given in my written autobiography available online at scribd.com, page 170.

I issued Assertion M because I felt I was in desperate need to give evidence I had decided to uphold liberal values rather than continue to be angry at blacks, so that the black groups would stop targeting me for dissolution.

It certainly didn't occur to me that issuing the assertion would create a problem. It did though, and damage has been done. The primary call here would seem to be for intelligence work with regard to the communist party.

I will monitor the situation and maintain my committment to blacks as equal partners in the American enterprise.

Mississippi's governor pardons a lot of criminals.

The action of Mississippi's governor to pardon a lot of criminals comes as understandable to me.

This civilization has not provided a uniform species code of conduct. Evidently it is a species in great uncertainty, despite a host of isolated successes. Individuals who at least speak of themselves as law-abiding look at others with what they call judgment. I suggest that judgment is a highly contextual claim in which the "crime scene" is taken to be sufficiently under control by authorites that the idea of negative feedback is expected over the broader course of events to lead to less crime. I fail to see how the short list of learned lessons about life in general which people variously take part in is able to produce any sort of crime reduction. There is even less that appeals to me in the quasi-economic notion of paying for your crimes. Police are expected to work out the details on the street. This is too much to ask anyone to do.

A lot of civilization's directions would be questioned by anyone approaching the understanding of life that a species requires. Those that do are few in number and are heavily burdened. A little less burden is a stable consequence of a little more understanding.

The pinion on the economy is of both Moses and Osiris.

The pinion I have on the economy, dating from the stock market crash of 2008, has inner detail resting not only in the story of Moses but also that of Osiris. The essential departure from the tale of Moses is that this is not a simple destruction of the established power, rather a replacement of the established economy with a new one centered on means I have created or assembled from my travels and investigations.

Next Bears game prediction.

I call the game tonight will end with a Bears loss.

Next game: an 80 percent chance of a win.

Evidence Beltemacchi is not my central opponent.

After Tweeting that I heard a voice telling me my Tweets help the Bears a run of bad luck hit the Bears and the Packers scored a second TD.

Evidently the person who principally opposes me is not a Chicagoan, which rules out Beltemacchi, though he might be an opponent none the less.

Peter Beltemacchi: how good a Bears fan?

I challenge Peter Beltemacchi to a test of nerves: which of us can call the game tonight between the Bears and the Packers first.

As you may know, I have stated I consider Mr. Beltemacchi to be a possible initiator of a blackball against me for not sustaining him in illegal acts in a hypothetical business deal, he the owner of an architecture firm in Chicago and me his, hypothetical, employee.

Approval of a media trend.

There is in the national media in the United States a not so well known trend between celebrities of all degrees to take the time and care to express to each other a moment of real support for one another, ususally by taking a little longer than is normal in such circumstances to hug one another upon being introduced or otherwise brought together. This is a different trend than those we see customarily, at least in any age with which I am familiar. It is a good trend, moreso than most, and will certainly have a good effect on a particular set of people who find themselves, though they may not know it, on any of a large number of precipices of the nature of a personal challenge, whereon much depends in the manner of deeper sharing of emotional bonds with those who share the same stage where these challenges are made, lost, or won. And as examples, people in the limelight, where I have observed this trend, will tend to be moreso than most, or that is what we are led to believe, anyway, by the media.

I look forward to seeing other signs of true caring everywhere I go.

And let us not forget that we are part of a larger conversation between all living species, and have a great privilege to keep a large space under our stewardship in a world of shortages, and need to know more about the illusion which this stewardship actually is.

Sunni and Shiite

I am very pleased with the degree to which Sunni and Shiites in Iraq have managed to lessen the extent of their animosity since the start of the military presence of the U.S. there in 2003. I admit that this is in some measure a matter of faith in the peace despite outbreaks of violence. It is in that also a matter of faith in the ability of the Iraqi government to act as government and sustain a national identity. My personal observation is that this has in fact happened, and that despite this there is an awareness that much needs to be done, for divisions in Islam have been the rule not the exception ever since the life of Muhammad.

Bomb detection in Iraq.

Ted Koppel says that device they use in Iraq to detect bombs doesn't work.

Human scientists say that bees can't fly, and yet they see them do so, like you and I see them do.

Endorsement of Barack Obama for President in 2012.

After reviewing the Republican candidates for president, I have decided for myself that Barack Obama is the best candidate and I heartily encourage others to examine his record and behavior, think on the demands of the office, and I have great trust that for those of good sense and sound judgment Mr. Obama will be the candidate of choice.

No need to hold gays in comtempt.

Before my episode trying to become transgender I seemed to be faced with a lot of opinions that I was gay. This was a mistaken notion and seems to have occurred because I wasn't expressing my desire to transgender and the fact that I was keeping locked up some odious state of mind involving my sexuality came across as being a closet gay. I hope the episode becoming transgender has straightened this matter out to some extent. There remains the fact that I really would prefer being female but cannot do it for medical reasons, and this fact may get some play by some as a continuing state of mind. I do experience lingering effects of having been set on being a female with heterosexual desires. I am working to set those aside.

The point here is that there is no reason for me to castigate gays anymore, insofar as the actual situation is appreciated by others. I castigated gays because it was the only way I could think of to distance myself from that state of mind, faced with overwhelming insinuations I was gay. I hope now the record will reflect the facts. If it does so I can safely accord all due respect to gays for their preferences.

Aborted transition to transgender female.

It turned out that estrogen therapy would increase the danger of blood clotting and since I am already at risk for clotting and take Warfarin for it, I decided not to pursue the gender change. The key factor is that without a doctor's approval for hormone therapy the State of Illinois does not permit a change of gender marker in one's state identity cards. This was an unacceptable situation for me, so I decided to give up wearing women's clothes. It was a major disappointment.

Why I think I live alone.

I think that being of female mind under it all while having to live as a male mind, is the reason I have wound up isolated from others.

It's pretty simple.

First hoop passed in change of my gender to female.

Tuesday was my appointment at the Howard Brown Health Center, a medical facility that specializes in transgender cases. The doctor's name was Alfred Torrence. He did a complete medical interview intended to determine if at this juncture I am suitable and medically ready to enter the passage to becoming a female. He said they never do a psychiatric evaluation because they do not consider the transgender person to have a sexual disorder. He simply asked me why I wanted to become a female and I gave him a pretty straight answer.

My taking Warfarin is an issue as hormone treatments will increase my blood's tendency to clot. I take Warfarin because my other doctors believe a clot caused my necrotic bowel of 2008. Dr. Torrence asked me if there was any positive proof that I had had a clot and I said no. This could be a game stopper.

Another possible issue is my liver, as it needs to be able to take some stress, for want of a better term me being a layman, caused by the hormones.

If these and all other issues turn out not to be game stoppers then Dr. Torrence will approve me for hormone therapy. This done, I will be given a lot of paperwork for changing my name and gender marker on some of the more important personal documents, these apparently not including my birth certificate as Illinois is said to give transgender folk a problem with it, One document the doctor mentioned was called a "safe passage". It guarantees to anyone concerned that I am legally able to use female public facilities, such as rest rooms. It was significant to me that all this paperwork can be prepared and completed immediately upon my approval for hormone treatment, rather than having to wait for some amount of time to pass for the hormones to start to take effect.

So the next step was blood tests and today I went in and gave blood for them. But at the end of the interview with Dr. Torrence he shook my hand and said I had passed the first hoop on the way to becoming a female.

Hard to say at this point what the odds are I will pass through the rest of the hoops.  No hormones would be a major disappointment, but even if that happens there's no going back to behaving like a boy. We'll see if my body is going to cooperate by getting itself approved for the next step.

There is one possible way to get some recognition of the gender change anyway, which is common law. With that I would just tell everyone I know that I'm making the change and what my name is going to be. It's not as solid legally, but it's certainly better than nothing. I don't know what all it would enable me to do.

On Gabriel Giffords

There is no doubt in my mind that my fate has been intertwined with some who have exacerbated my problems to the point of unprecedented, speaking anthropologically, duress. It has been my deed to survive and retain my love for others. My reliance on social security disability income is, however, not a part of what I call my survival, but a mark of low deposit of my character thanks to these persons of the exacerbation. I have no reason to believe they will continue to exacerbate my problems indefinitely.

I began work on my written autobiography on May 2, 2010. I am guessing that most of what I have written is news to my Mafia overlords. The shooting on January 8, 2011 of Gabriel Giffords has a certain random component in terms of time, and a certain structural component. I turned 60 that day. I have a certain tendency, therefore, to conclude that the Mafia allowed the shooting to occur in the interest of sending a message to the nation that that day marks a point of departure on which my reputation is to be granted a state of objection, which due to the secrecy of the deeds behind the exacerbation of my problems cannot readily be connected to the parties responsible. By pointing these things out I am putting a spin on events for perspectives to be taken and considerations to be given so that further events may be allowed to bring the parties responsible into better view. I didn't deserve to be treated as a misfit. Gabriel Giffords didn't need to be shot. One is plainly a national tragedy. One is a civilizational tragedy. Which is which? I think the answer is also plain. One doesn't allow a national tragedy to transpire unless an even greater tragedy motivates it. My continued reliance on social security is not without its costs.

Transgender's challenge to be physically active.

I am finding it a challenge as a transgender female to enter into broad-based physical activity. The issue is my choice of water balloons as breast enhancements, as they make me nervous about being too physical and risking that they will burst or fall out of my bra.

Not sure what I will do about this.

Reminder and discovery in becoming a female.

There are two principal stimulations for me to become a female: A) reminder effects, and B) discovery effects. All motives to remain a male are subsumed under some nature that is readily nullified by reminder effects, though the time it takes for this nullification varies from immediately to over the course of about an hour. Discovery effects are more basic and occur within a new universe as a female. They affect my bearing, posture, and nervous stability.

I am now within the definition of GLBT.

With my acceptance of myself as a transgender female I find myself within the definition of GLBT, or gay lesbian bisexual trnansgender. This is a fact. The common use of the term GLBT makes this fact politically active and merges my case with those of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, in ways that may or not be to my liking but nevertheless represent a certain reality that I have to deal with. Each of the four types has its own distinctive social milieu, but these are sufficiently related to one another that the GLBT term serves a definite social and political purpose and is not to be ignored. I don't get so much value out of categorizing myself as a transvestic fetishist, which I am. It links me to transvestites in general and does not have much political power behind it, or at least so far as I can tell from having to keep my condition a secret for so long. It also, the transvestic fetishism, is not commonly known as a subgroup within transvestites, and what is believed is that it isn't a type of gender identity disorder, usually. This makes it more trouble as a category for me than it's worth.

To wear or not wear false breasts.

I have a certain reticence about wearing false breasts. On the pro side, it feels good. On the con side, it strikes me as pushing the envelope in terms of cosmetic effects. In addition to these thoughts there is the matter of just how to falsify breasts. On a slim budget my only real option is water balloons in a large cup bra. What if they should rupture? Well, I got really large balloons, so for any given inflation there is more structural strength. Also, for a really large inflation I decided to double them up, one balloon inside another. Even so, there is a risk, and an accurate estimate of the risk is not easy. But even if they did rupture, it's only water and no physical damage would be done. It would just be terribly embarrassing. I don't know what other options there are, and how much they would cost.

There is something to be said for being patient for hormones to give me large breasts. But hormones may not happen if they find my liver won't take it. Then the balloons will seem my only option.

The effects of having lived as a male for sixty years.

Probably the most difficult problem I have now is that I look like a male in my face and have developed a vast set of reinforcements for expressing the male gender. I have seen that these lead nowhere, so it doesn't basically influence my decision making, but nevertheless it makes for a hard transition.

I didn't grow up with a constant desire to be a woman. My desire was for having sexual arousal and orgasms while crossdressing and the rest of the time I just went along for the ride, doing what was expected of me. But this produced a dysfunctional man, unable to realize his most profound desires. The key ingredient, of living as a woman and having female orgasms, was absent from the world that was given to me, and consequently I didn't have before me a set of choices from which i could assemble a wholesome career and family life. So what then happened? What the hell was I to make of all this? Part of what was given to me was that I was being loved and nurtured by my family, and being educated for a useful life by the educational establishment. My duty was to believe in this, and my psyche was considered by my parents to be less important, or they wouldn't have considered my unusual gender identity an obedience problem.

The educational establishment had one chance to rectify all this. As a freshman at Yale I recognized that A) I needed a good outside opinion, and B) I was in a place where I could get one. I went to the University Health service, got an appointment with a conselor without stating what it was about, and showed up not really knowing what I needed to say or ask for except to just state I had a history of crossdressing. The counselor, after I made this statement, said something that seemed compassionate but she didn't have any questions for me. I said I understood that she was telling me that crossdressing was not a problem. I was centered on that issue rather than the larger and more urgent questions of just what I needed to do at this point. My parents had instilled the idea that I was an obedience problem in this matter and if I could get the counselor to commit to a judgment that it was not a problem then it was not an obedience problem and I would be relieved of the need for self-chastisement. The counselor answered my statement by rushing in to say she didn't mean that crossdressing wasn't a problem. It was at that point that my memory of the session ends. I left completely unsatisfied with the outcome and without any idea where to turn next. So I turned nowhere and five years later was in a mental hospital after sufferring an acute psychotic break.

For this reason I consider that Yale did me a disservice by the remarks of the counselor I saw. My openness to counseling was quashed and I never attempted to get more help. Well, perhaps negligence is hard to prove here, I don't know. I'm just not happy about Yale and what it has done for me in life. But that said, what can I expect from them now? These days, not much. It's not a happy story. Maybe I'll come to better terms with it with time. I am able to see, though, that my displeasure with Yale is based in my male complications and my female identity is basically patient about his.

Considerable rethinking awaits me, that's for sure, if I don't instead just throw out the whole male bag and accept truth as a female.

A look from a great man.

As I was exiting the men's dressing room at Filene's Basement a couple days ago, having just tried on a skirt, a tall, handsome executive type guy was standing right outside the door looking at some men's clothes and he looked up right as I walked out and saw me and looked at me carefully and gave me a smile that filled me with confidence. I immediately wondered if he wasn't there as a store detective checking out whether I was trying on a skirt with good or bad intent, however, his smile certainly was approving in any case and I smiled back and took in the moment with great thankfulness for his gesture, coming as it was from a very attractive man.

The agent which led me to step on a nail

If it is true that my crossdressing began because of the trauma of stepping on a board with a nail sticking out of it at age five, then I can extend the line of deduction farther.

Perhaps I was steered to step on the nail by bees that were angry that I caught some of them in a jar filled with gasoline. They would have known full well that my aggression would have been altered by stepping on the nail. Aggression was exactly the issue with them. I don't know if they foresaw that I would become gender identity disordered. Being centered on aggression they very well might not have.

Anxious to have real breasts

For now I have to do the best I can, which is false breasts, and this gives me some comfort. But I am anxious to start hormone treatment and have my own breasts develop. That will feel ever so much better.

Gender expression and cosmetics

Expression of a single gender is almost as just as expression of the physical gender. Cosmetics bring a physical woman into line with some ideal of Woman. They play the exact same role in a transgender female, and this is an internal legitimacy for her.

At least that's the way it seems to me.

trauma and gender identity disorder

The genders physically possess enough skeletal similarity to result in a degree of interchangeability in maintenance of the sounds of the other gender's role in adaptation. At an early age trauma has unpredictable bearing here. Deconstructing trauma is not done.

Denial of gender identity disorder persists after embracement of it. The structure of support for denial is extensive but is not logical. It marks its progress on points of ambiguity, all of which are invalidated by deeper logic.

Denial support cloaks itself in sympathy. No sympathy was extended in the travail of living the birth gender so this sympathy has ulterior motives.

Suspected cause of my turn to female as a child.

It is possible that my childhood development of transvestic fetishism, and with it gender identity disorder, has an origin in a traumatic event that dislodged me from my beginning in the male identity enough to bring on the disorder. This is something of a speculation. It involves my stepping on a board with a rusty nail sticking out that was on the border between our house lot and the prairie in back of the row of houses on Lexington Street. The origin I hypothesize here is that the incident caused me to pull back from the aggressive exploration of outside worlds typical of young males given such a large almost wild territory so ready at hand.

That being said, and acknowledging that it is entirely speculation, there would seem to be no way to avoid the consequence in gender identity disorder, and the decision I made to become trans gender will have to stand unless my female identity decides, after further review and analysis, to abandon the conversion to female.

If the incident is to blame, then there is nothing about my father that produced the disorder.

What I discern in the decision of the Mafia concerning my status review in light of my new gender.

The world is full of examples of female rulers. From that standpoint there is plenty of precedent for me. The different role of help for men and women is one possible concern an overlord might have about it. I have a history of ambivalence about being helped. On one hand it is easy. That's my male history. On the other hand it has to be clear and lasting without further comment, a stable economy being the large scale image. The stable economy is based on a female ruler's knowledge of her power relationships. Mine have been difficult, but rest on a foundation no longer active--a male foundation--but a false one based on fear of reprisals for being a female. It was not power that got me out the door into public crossdressing. It was truth and logic. Certainly a good place for a leader to be.

I will see what response there is. My environment is no less the universe. My writing on this does not specify that I am asking for permission to court. It specifies only the existence of such an entity as an equal periodicity with the statement that the universe is mine. There is plenty of room for interpretation here. One example would be that the statement offers the permission on unspecified conditions.

The departure from the Edgewater Branch of the Chicago Public Library, with the statement secure, revealed, from the outburst reaction of a young black man passing me, one of cheer, proved that my writing was being read in full, to some degree of absolute, by the black Mafia hierarchy, certainly a favorable development that bears reminder now. Ownership of the universe is a wild task set. But coterminous permission to court gives the set definition. As a partnership this is a keynote for unlimited development of power in the universe.

What a woman thinks of getting help.

My mother was a tough cookie. War nurse, mother of five, outspoken opponent of racism, the list goes on. But I believe there was always a confusion about what amount of help a woman should properly expect or ask for in any given situation. She rarely asked for help. She was able-bodied. But the term "weaker sex" is not apparently for nought. As a female now I can note that I feel a huge sphere of dependence on help all around me, that in almost any situation there can come about a margin by mmy routine ways come up short of some objective. This was never apparent when I was a male.

My mother made light of her needs for help. She had a little French phrase she repeated in mock desperation whenever she seemed to be at such a point in her routine as I mention above. It was, "au secours!" I may not be spelling it right. It means, I believe, "oh, help!"

Because she made light of needing help I always thought of this as an indication that she really didn't ever need help. It was a quickly drawn conclusion that I never gave a second thought to.

But the whole matter rests squarely on the commitment of this civilization to a strict division of labor in marriage between husband and wife. If a partner has been raised to keep a certain such division of labor as a good agreement through every up and down, that partner will be able to mind his own part of the marriage without having to speak about unexpected variances of the division, that is, ask for help. I don't believe I can recall a single incident of my mother asking for help from my father. With men it seems to be a llittle different. They are expected to become a part of the industrial world where division of labor is a vast enterprise itself, and one in which innovations, which lead very easily to new divisions of labor, are of the utmost importance at the larger, or outer, levels of that world. So men have evolved an easy familiarity with unexpected needs for help, and know how to ask for it without distracting hesitation. In my family this has led to disaster, as my father expected my mother to adapt to his changing role in the industrial world as political developments led to new feelings in the world about types of people, in particular African Americans, and my mother was hard pressed to jump when he said to on such matters. Instead, she got on a soap box at the dinner table to bolster her defensive position that she knew would not fly with my father, but her need for maintaining a comfortable home environment required this soap boxing to prevent a gradual erosion of that comfort. Perhaps it was wise. What happened instead of gradual erosion was sudden death. My father blew up one day, when family circular paths of political leaning brought everything to a focus, and left the house for good.

But my mother's and father's habits of help both suffered no ill effects and they both lived out the divorce that followed in relative comfort.

But as a trans gender female I have a great amount of groundwork to do to open myself up to the female way with help. I must learn that my immediate impulse in speech, which carries the ease of asking for help without fuss, is in need of repair. The male world has wrecked the achievements of my female impusles, more valuable impulses, for me, than the male ones I trumped up to meet the muster. If I don't listen to voices as crying out for help I can never hear my own doing the same.

My early life with gender identity disorder.

At the beginning of my life, having for unknown reasons a potential of living like a girl and no potential for living like a boy, I didn't enter into the search for a career. Every activity was shortened because the only life work I was destined for was being a full-time housewife. This was my legacy from my mother. I was the ultimate Yale female student, there only to look for a husband and not intending to use my education in a career. My high ambition was not moderated by an integral life view and got blown up way out of proportion. I scattered my interests all over and repeatedly went off the deep end in career-like ventures, scoring some remarkable victories but none of it adding up to a basic understanding of the male contract with civilization.

Now that I acknowledge being trans gender I have to ferret through the maze of thoughts, memories, and impressions from my childhood to arrive at a logically sound female contract with civilization. The greatest puzzle at the present time is my breasts. With an x and a y chromosome my breasts are vestigal. My life with gender identity disorder provides me with a sensitivity for large breasts and no sensitivity for small. Without estrogen therapy or surgical augmentation I will have small and yearn for large, forcing me to mollify myself by wearing a large cup bra with water balloons in it. It's a bizarre solution but sure feels a lot better than living without it. My mother had large breasts and living her legacy puts me into a position of naturally looking for large breasts to be there at every turn. The water balloons provide something to bear off of in that natural expectation. I believe it is not uncommon for women to stuff their bra to get a larger appearance there, so it is not absolutely correct to say that this practice is illegitimate or dishonest.

Now that I can go about in public with the stuffed bra I can relax and wear it all day every day and get used to the feeling of satiation it gives to me. Giving satisfaction to a male partner is another part of the matter as yet not a priority.

Most fundamental reason I think I am GID.

The most fundamental reason I think I am GID is that when I fall back on female taxis as I sit at the computer and work I no longer experience lapses of logical process when confronting snafus.