My father married my mother as part of a racist conspiracy

After many years of going over my recall of my father it is my increasingly convinced conclusion that he was a part of an explicit conspiracy of intelligent people to put down the black race.

When I turned into a potential ivy leaguer with realized inclinations favorable to blacks, this conspiring group had a married couple graduated from duke university move into the house next door to us. The man tried to talk me out of becoming a social activist. he and my father did a lot of drinking and talking together by themselves. My father moved out because i picketed a store on liberal causes and my mother defended me when he stormed in after learning i had done it.

When I later, after becoming mentally ill, lived with him in florida for a year or so, he and his family all were crawling with lies and deceptions in my face whenever I raised issues of my upbringing.

I believe he was assigned to infatuate and marry my mother for the purpose of confounding her liberal beliefs. There is no other way to make sense of the marriage.

This conspiring group is constantly at my mind, conniving and manipulating, bolstered by the early access my father had to me in an impressionable state. It may not have gained a convert, but it certainly ruined a liberal opponent. I am mentally ill, penniless, unemployable, and without colleagues or friends from years ago.

If i had it my way, my father would be decried as the greatest miscreant in the history of mankind. If I am any bit the kingpin of chicago I say I am, something on that order will be done. Only then will I be free to take my place in the world as a whole-hearted supporter of the black race.

Crystal sits down with me.

Friday, June 19, at lunch, my girlfriend Crystal came into the dining room (temporarily the activity room) and passed up ten vacant seats to sit across from me. This is the first time she has done that. In the past she has been totally absent of any preference for anyone's company. Wednesday night, June 17, I took her to Millenium Park in downtown Chicago for an outdoors classical music concert. Apparently she thought I showed her off well. I enjoyed her company very much. I stared at her endlessly during Elgar's Enigma Variations. She accepts my stares now. No other girlfriend has done that for me. I think she likes it, though maybe I am imagining it. So long as she lets me do it, it doesn't matter. I need her face close to mine.

pigeon reaction to my cycling independence

Because I was so independent from any other homo sapiens about making my first bike trip from glen ellyn to lake geneva, not using a map or an alarm clock and making major repairs without guidance, when I started my trip in sweden the pigeons swarmed and marked me for ruin. I posed an ecological threat to class aves domination of single-organism navigation. I am going to negotiate for a new deal with them, based on my acknowledgement of class aves having significant logical capabilities, and my established commerce with some of their species. aves economics are deeper than mammalia's.

I have registered at a site for bike trip journals.

I have registered at a site for bike trip journals. It is http://crazyguyonabike.com. My handle there is glenellynboy. I also go by my real name there, James Batek.

I have entered journal set-up for all my bike trips, but i have only completed one trip journal, for my first trip from my hometown, glen ellyn, illinois, to lake geneva, wisconsin, and back, in 1971. I have begun work on the next trip, in europe. Both of these pieces are published. The subsequent ones are not yet started or published.

columba livia policy revision

I am taking the position that if columba livia does good toward me, i will do good toward it. but if columba livia does bad toward me i will do bad toward it.

revision of my earlier position on the black race

I would point out to ranking blacks that my thinking about their race earlier, in which I drew conclusions from a model of taxonomical divisions which i created and which no longer informs my thinking because it lacks wide ranging confirmation, has been supplanted by a more wide open perspective. At the time i used this model I was working in absence of a unified model other than my own and also was limited by my stage of logical development to bonds with the white race, both conditions mitigating against a prolonged examination of the nature of race. As my logic has developed I have had time to see some significant factors in black race nature which puts it in no different class than white race nature and the question which I have had all along of whether black race misfortunes are the result of chance in race encounter with the global environment or of innate relative maladaptation seems to be answered by chance. I know of no one who has taken such a broad view of the issue of race comparisons but myself and I say this without an attempt to position myself as a leader of the species but rather to defend myself against the natural resentment which my public pronouncements have aroused. It is a more complex case than growing wiser with age. It is a matter of very difficult purpose.

civilization's lateral extension versus delving deeper

Workers who extend this civilization laterally find appeal in novel word combinations. Workers who delve deeper find themselves needing to break words up and reassemble new ones from the parts.

Science extends this civilization laterally. This is evident in its contentment with words as they are.

Yale day of service

Yale has created what they call the Yale day of service, one day a year where Yale alumni and their friends and family do volunteer work in their communities.

I think I'll ask my girlfriend, Crystal, if she wants to do it with me. I'll still do it myself if she doesn't want to.

I have chosen as site the Primo Center for Women and Children, a homeless shelter in west Garfield park here in Chicago.

My parents didn't give me any sex education.

My parents never gave me any sex education. I needed it in kindergarten. I was beseiged by incipient sexual feelings in the classroom which only generally could be identified with girls in the class. I had no idea where these feelings led. It was due time for a sex lesson and I didn't get it.

Consequently, I pursued sexual feelings at home where I thought it was safer. I got into my mother's drawer and was caught by her. She immediately told my father and my father blew up. This proved for me that adulthood was an unlawful state. I rejected every invitation to adapt my father's example. I never learned adulthood. I was much more aware of what was going on than what people took me for, and my sexual urges were very strong.

My parents castigated me for cross dressing, but it was their fault for not giving me any sex education. You could say well, it isn't given in kindergarten. Ok, fine. But I was different from other children. I needed it then. I didn't have the words to describe my situation to anyone and all my language learning was academic, without any practical sex topics. I am not perverted. I am abused.

My father was a sexual cretin. Any sex education he could have given me would have been counterproductive. He had no business marrying a woman with genes for intelligence. He wasn't able to act the father for an intelligent son. My life was a never-ending scene of mistepping fatherhood by him.

All my life I have struggled to merge my sexual desires with my career objectives. There just wasn't, and isn't, any common ground in my foundation for them. I seem clearly to be doomed to failure and if my ecological life, ejected from the mainstream and forced to find companionship in class aves, brings down a lot of people in the global financial crisis, It brings me my only possible happiness. Sure, I would like to see both myself and the world thrive. It isn't happening. Do you see it happening? I don't seed it happening.

A long time ago, when I was poor and surrounded constantly by a crude poor population of mostly blacks, I was forced by my circumstances to take up an aggressive anti-black racism.

It seems to be that I was noticed as such by one or more militant black groups and targeted for suppression that may have continued to today.

I have since those terrible days put myself back on the pro-black track. I am no longer pressured by a violent black population. I can reflect on the reasons so many blacks are violent and when I see them being violent it is never a direct threat to my safety.

I also can see that the black population is vastly underrated by the white population. I eventually supported obama in the presidential primary and general election. I am very pleased with his conduct in office.

I look forward to a conversion of the united states to a completely non-racist state.

trying to become a speaker

Yesterday I sent an email to about 50 Chicago churches offerring myself as a speaker, highlighting my Yale degree and my eight years of homelessness.

So far no replies.

trouble

No one seems interested in me. Things for everyone seem to be getting troubled.

something on knowledge and technology I found

I came across this quote today at http://www.brint.com/km/:

"Lessons learned from the world's greatest organizations show that even simple technologies can generate great performance when empowered by smart minds of motivated and committed humans. Conversely, 'intelligent' technologies may produce dumb results if those smarts are missing as evident from the cases of companies once considered great in the past era."

A lot of hype in technology today and little realization of this simple truth.

allegation: Yale and Princeton admitted girls for some warped reason related to me

There is a presence in the audience resembling the frantic grasping used by Jon Astroth to pin me in less than half a minute in our finalist wrestling match in junior high school. It is disolving my creative work at a rapid rate.

Jon and I were both in the band in the seventh grade. We both played clarinet. He was ranked in the first few seats of the last row. I was in the last few seats. There were about 12 in the last row altogether. There was a challenge among everyone in the last row--a test of a piece of music in private audience by the band director. The results determined the new rankings. My father, Ken Batek, promised me 50 cents for every seat I moved up. I went to the top. I don't know where Jon went. It wasn't the top. I don't recall him being in the band in the eighth grade. I became first chair.

I don't recall what year the wrestling tournament was held--the one I recall wrestling Jon in. It was a 2-year junior high school.

My father forced me to apply to U of I for college. That's apparently where Jon went, as my investigations show he lives near there now. Maybe my father figured if I was such a hot wrestler in high school i could follow him to U of I and get a second shot at him.

Jon and I were both straight a students. He was a star athlete on the basketball team in junior high. He starred on the baseball, basketball, and football teams in high school. In football he was the starting quarterback. In football our school was in a 3-way tie for first in the conference our senior year. Jon was never in any of my honors classes, either in junior high or in high school. I don't know what his class rank was in high school. Mine was 8th of about 600 second semester junior year, 5th first semester senior year, and second semester senior year I had gotten into Yale, Princeton, and RPI and didn't bother to ask for my rank. My father had told me I would be rejected by Yale. I don't know if he was lying or not. Freshman year at Yale when I came home for break my father told me he had heard I was taking sociology and he told me he was very upset with me for doing so. I wasn't taking any sociology at Yale. Yale had determined that my father's fair share of my college costs was $2000 per year. He informed me he would only pay $1200. He wouldn't pay any more for me than he was going to for Sandy. Maybe he was trying to keep me from succeeding at Yale. In junior high my father's mother, Marie Batek, gave me a christmas gift of a math game called "wff n proof". It was over my head. One of the most famous things about Yale is the senior singing group called the Wiffnpoofs. In junior high my mother caught me cross dressing in my parent's bedroom and told me if I did it again she would tell my father. I did it again. Then one weekend the family took a trip to chicago and stayed in a hotel. They didn't invite me. I stayed at home and cross dressed. When they got back they said they saw Sammy Davis Jr. in an elevator. My father considered blacks as a racist. Yale admitted girls the year I arrived. Princeton did the same year. I wrote when I was having trouble with blacks in boston that the kkk had a general, meaning me. My father came, took me to see Al Haig's wife, and she gave me a bunch of used clothes. When my father's father died I went to the interment at Bohemia National. My father lurched in "tears" toward me, I think he was trying to see if I was grieving. When he left me at my apartment he made a comment under his breath that I would never be with a white woman again. His father was known to the family as having been in the kkk.

If Yale was induced to admit girls to manage my image with someone by making it possible I was a girl and not a cross dresser, is it any wonder I became mentally ill?

Let (Yale and Princeton admitted girls for some warped reason having to do with my father's furor over my cross dressing) = A.

If A, then B, I am the most important Yalie ever, C, someone has an investment of that scale in keeping me from distinguishing myself, D, no effort will be spared to be sure of that, and E, the active intelligence pitted against me is not my father's, but someone much more capable.

My role is not lessened by D.

Defeat for me implies I will not have a white woman.

The more damning condition is all the things I have done to distinguish myself which have been undermined because of C, D, and E. if A is proven, then the reparations will be astronomical. As Osiris, my deeds are enormous, all to no endorsement. The only sufficient terms are spotlights.

The presence resembling Jon Astroth's pin of me might be only one aspect of a larger presence that includes the power E. The pin effect would then be only my memory of it, not any part of Mr. Astroth's camp.

I never considered Jon Astroth an arch enemy. Evidently my father considered wrestling my only way to redeem myself as a man despite my cross dressing. I think of it as a side show to the real conflict, which was intelligence. My father's mother committed herself to getting me into Yale. This proved an error that she was unable to easily fix. I find it repugnant that she used coercive means to get me to select Yale. Possibly the reasoning was not to get me to select Yale, but to get ambitious about going to Yale. Either way, it's coercion. It presumes that I would forever be subservient to her will, and not able to advance without coercion. It shows a lack of what it takes to be a leader, or just to raise one. The whole plan backfired. When A is proven it will be historical damnation for my father and his mother, not because they went so far to conceal my cross dressing, but because they coerced me into going to Yale, second thought it, and watched as my ruin proceded.

Evidently, since Dave Ristau was cut in at the moment of JFK's death, the mob considered me presidential material. This made coercion desirable to them. It's still unlike a leader. Better to let the country have a lesser president than a better president except for being coerced into going down that road, unable to know his life with clarity. Such is not a great president. We have plenty of the lesser kind, and that's all I could have become, if indebted to such a plot. The cross dressing is a result of greater sex appetite. They discount that I might have a great appetite for girls, which I do, than just about anyone. This marked me for greater destiny than the presidency. When A is proven, and history makes a sharp turn, many lives will be parted from many lives.

as First, these are the changes I would make

Envisioning changes is a lengthy and circuitous process.

We are talking about the U.S., a state resulting from a rare confluence of brilliant and courageous men and women not likely repeated.

What has never happened is a vision of a single species administration.

Competition* would have to be a greater motive than security, enfolding security within it.

There is no doubt that word groups that reach ideas outside what has been imagined will stimulate interest. Placement outside however is not success. It can be done with normal faculties. success requires work with remote faculties, whose self awareness is not discussable.

My normal faculties view placement outside as a wound, panic, and build up around the fissure to seal it. This is socially motivated panic.

A drive continent is firm. It is both discovered and made.

When you have the ability to survive without security** your competition can risk the loss of security.

If you do not have this ability your competition cannot risk the loss of security.

Survival without security is a feat unassisted*** by sexuality.

World financial difficulty is a choice between reducing integrity while increasing dependency on the one hand, and entering asexually motivated survival without security on the other.



*based on a better way than being better

**i.e., one set of clothing and a light jacket. no id. occasionally alleviated.

***sexual life is not at an advantage over asexual life.

registered at bizreef.com as freelance proofreader

I have registered on a freelancers site, bizreef.com to get business proofreading.

repression of me by unspecified Roman Catholics

One day when I was little my siblings and I were delighted to have the opportunity to persecute some Roman Catholics. One or more of them appeared at our home on some errand to see our mother. When we noticed or heard or figured out that the person or persons was a Roman Catholic, we hid behind our mother and taunted: "euuuuuu...you're a CATHOLIC!!" We were taken to the local protestant church every sunday. Religion was not discussed in the home. Our mother shushed us for speaking out at the door visitor(s).

I have had a couple of strong impressions that somebody considers my intelligence evil. Evil is a Christian rallying point.

The Catholic church's history and documentation of a large number of saints offers a wealth of strategies for warfare in the matter of righteous indignation. It's too bad that they had to go to such lengths to make an issue of this incident on our doorstep, which hardly seems the level of persecution undergone by probably any saint.

Because a number of Catholic priests have been appreciative of my general good nature, I feel this blackball is among the Catholic laity. Otherwise, it would have to split the clergy.

Although from a casual perspective this seems mere childishness, the national nature of the action shows it is a cause celebre of some national power. Two monarchs can be sterling exemplars and still loathe each other in every way. Certainly then an existing monarch can have the same response to a commoner such as myself. The fact that I have taken the ball as far as appointment as a mafia kingpin returns it back to the case of monarch versus monarch. My being now a monarch doesn't lessen the animosity they feel for me. nor does it of itself diminish their power to influence my playing field.

took proofreading test

I took a test for being a proofreader at ExpertRating.com today. Passed it with a score of 62 out of 100, which is at the 94th percentile of all test takers. Here are my partial scores:

documentation, 60%
grammar & usage, 89%
indexes, 50%
number usage, 50%
proofreading for consistency and accuracy, 70%
punctuation, 38%

Now I will look for a proofreading job. These could be either freelance or physical office jobs. I understand a typical pay rate is $18/hour.

Crystal is off restriciton

After putting Crystal on notice she would lose me if she was not able to get off restriciton, and didn't choose to marry me in that case, I mentioned this condition to some staff at the nursing home. They felt it was too strict. I said Crystal wasn't moving on it. They said she had been asking around about it, specifically with the assistant administrator, Dorothy Jackson. This was useful information.

I asked Miss Jackson about it. We talked at some length. She suggested I talk to the clinical director, Pat Blumen, as she was primarily responsible in this matter.

Talking with Miss Blumen, it was apparent she had learned something about me from the last conversation we had had. When I told her I wanted to expedite Crystal getting off restriction she said she had been thinking about it and was ready to take her off, provided the doctor (psychiatrist) approved it.

So she followed through and now Crystal is off restriction.

the sensitivity of the minicomputer touchpad to touch--"uch"

Notes on Uch

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Internet & Technolog Research touch click

bicycling legend of 1986, Santee, CA

As video seven in the sidebar tells, in the summer of 1986 I put up a legend with my body on a highway in Santee, CA. I was coming home from a bike trip for the day and had a flat tire so I was walking my bike. I think it was in the late afternoon.

The legend happened as a result of me seeing a cyclist approaching on the road ahead of me. He was riding an expensive bike with a windshield. To help him stabilize I put my bike beside me and put out my legs and arms in a star. when he got up to me I flipped my hands perpendicularly and sighted my feet and my hands, first away from the cyclist and then toward him, smiling, which he returned.

As this was happening, just before I flipped my hands, an expensive car approaching swirved into the opposite lane of traffic, back into its own lane, and onto the shoulder where it parked.

After the exchange with the cyclist I took my bike and continued to walk down the highway toward the parked car, where its occupants had exited the car and lined up along the inside of the shoulder, three of them, appearently father, mother, and young daughter.

As I passed the three figures I said nothing nor did they. I looked gravely into the distance.

Then i walked home, which wasn't far away--a home on Buena Vista which its owner had rented out as rooms.

Shortly afterward, perhaps the next week, I left Santee, traveling first to Boston and then to Chicago, where I have been for the most part ever since.

If by some chance word gets to the three travelers who saw me that day, or the cyclist on the bike with a windshield, of this post, the sky is the limit, as I have seen every indication the incident was remembered and has guided bicycle culture in the united states ever since.

Crystal can avoid losing me in two weeks by marrying me.

I have additionally stipulated to Crystal that if she does not beat the rap the nursing home has against her then there is one condition under which I would consent to still date her, namely, marriage.

This is a very simple condition in terms of logic.

From her point of view, either she is able to beat the rap on her own or not. If she is, she gets to date me. If she isn't, she gets the option of having me participate in her welfare under protection of the law, if we are married.

From my point of view, either she beats the rap and proves herself able to hold her own in the adverse mental health bureaucracy without my help, and will therefore be able to be in a modern relationship of equality with me, justifying a long courtship and much later marriage, or she doesn't beat the rap, in which case she gets the option of an expeditious marriage which would be somewhat forced on her, and which would necessarily be a more traditional marriage of male dominance, which is the whole reason it is a tenable option since only male dominance by me will enable her to hold her own against the mental health bureaucracy, if she proves unable to do it herself. I am quite able to act out either option for my part, though I would prefer equality.

The substance of the restriction on Crystal is a claim that she got lost on the south side of Chicago, had no money to get back, and had to be brought back by her family.

Crystal's claim, made to me, and I believe hers over theirs, is that she went to Targets on the south side, and had enough money to get home, but her sister showed up there in her car and brought her back from there. I asked Crystal how her sister knew she was at Targets and she said she didn't know.

It isn't unusual, from talking to Crystal over the several months we have dated, for her not to know important details that affect her life materially. She doesn't know if her grandparents are alive. She doesn't know if her parents ever married. Another man than myself, upon hearing of this failing of details, would undoubtedly have ventured into one or another sort of interrogation. Such a tack would have alienated Crystal in the first incident and there would never have been a second. So I believe I know more about Crystal than anyone else in my position would know by now.

While it is impossible to know exactly what Crystal's experience over the full course of her life has been, it is possible to speculate that this highly intelligent and alert young lady has been dealt less than a full hand and is not to blame.

One thing I do not want to do is scandalize Crystal's family. However, it appears to me, and life does not permit us to consider each other's lives very scientifically as would allow me to do better than comment on appearances, that Crystal is in a dysfunctional family with a polished exterior and Crystal is being forced to soldier through life as if she had the polish but is not being credited for suffering the dysfunction.

Here is the reason i say this:

Our nursing home made my meeting Crystal's mother a condition of my taking her out past curfew to see our first opera. The meeting occurred on the day I was working as a judge of election last November. This was actually after the opera but her mother failed to show for an earlier scheduled meeting. We met in the foyer of the church where the election was being held. It had to be quick.

Upon meeting Crystal's mother, whose name I will presently withhold (it is not Crystal's last name), I was immediately impressed with her well dressed appearance, most agreeably accompanied by a startlingly good-looking figure and radiant, definitely glamorous face. After a sketchy introduction I expressed my overwhelming approval of her by embracing her, which she accepted in kind. I looked between Crystal and her and immediately saw that they were exact lookalikes, to the limits of my powers of observation on the fly.

I leaped into a statement about certain bureaucratic difficulties Crystal and I were having but her mother quashed all that, calmed me down, and said she would return on another day when we would have plenty of time to discuss such things.

This was essentially all of our meeting. however it leaves one thing out.

Crystal's mother smelled strongly of alcohol.

This public airing requires me to immediately add that my own brother is now facing a drinking problem and spent some time in a hospital detox recently.

I personally have never had an alcohol problem. I am very sympathetic, however, and if asked to give the world for Crystal's mother, or for my brother, in the interest of helping them fight this addiction, i would gladly do so. When my brother told me of his problem I decided to give up alcohol myself in solidarity. I have broken that promise to myself once in a year, at a time when I felt far from my brother in affection. He has fallen back into drinking since then and I am more likely to not drink as a result. His is the problem, Mine is the symbol. They are both important and both difficult, for completely different reasons.

I cannot expect to have a chance to say to Crystal or her mother that I smelled alcohol on Crystal's mother's breath. I don't expect their circle to read of it here. I hope, however, that the centrality of my life and of this blog, provide the insight into Crystal and her mother, in general and in specific detail, that may just make the difference, in Crystal's life if not in her mother's.

When I told Crystal that if she doesn't beat the rap in two weeks then I will only date her if we get married, she burst out into laughter. It tells me she doesn't have much belief in me. Time will tell whether she is able to think clearly enough to see the logic in marriage as I have laid it out here. I think one aspect of the problem she faces is that she doesn't recognize the logic in what people say, never having seen it before. Maybe now she has.

Crystal's deadline--in two weeks

My nursing home has refused to let me enter the discussion of my girlfriend Crystal's restriction from leaving the facility. She seems to be the victim of stigma of being mentally ill. I would help her fight the stigma if they would let me enter the discussion but they won't. I have consequently told Crystal that if she is not able to win the argument she and I have no future. I have given her 2 weeks, and after that if she hasn't gotten them to admit she is right that she did nothing wrong then i'm calling it quits with her.

This is very troubling. If I fail with Crystal then what hope for me is there with a normal girl? At least the mentally ill have distance from the species. the normal do not and will consequently be even more difficult to fit into my plans for a new species. Homo sapiens are saturated with commitment to the grip of homo sapiens on real estate. It may come to war.

labeling paraphrased material as mine in the third grade

I have an important confession and apology to make concerning my life of writing.

Just recently I have been reading the Chicago Manual of Style and I happened to come upon a statement that the law of the united states considers paraphrase to be equivalent to copying in matters of copyright infringement.

When I was in the third grade I entered an essay contest sponsored by the Daughters of the American Revolution. I chose the topic of how people tried to find a water route from the newly discovered east coast of the new world through to the orient. It so happens that I was unable to conceptualize in English any of my thoughts about this topic or my studies of it. Setting upon the task of writing I decided in desperation to paraphrase all my sources. Furthermore, I did not get permission to do so from the copyright holders of the material I copied, which at that age I was not in any way tutored in just how to do that. I sensed that paraphrase might be unsportsmanlike or worse, just how much worse I did not fully try to anticipate. In view of my findings of late, I am now certain. It was unlawful use of others' work and I had no right to claim the essay I created as my own, especially since I was competing for a coveted prize. I won nothing with my essay, which disappointed me only because I considered myself a good student with a record of consistent superior performance, scoring high in my schoolwork without much notice by myself of the good qualities of my work. I never saw the other students' work, pretty much, so I had nothing to compare it to. This was a public school education.

Had I been aware of myself sufficiently, I would have stopped at the moment I realized my English was not up to the task of the essay and planned out for myself an ambitious course of self-study to learn how to express my thoughts in speech and writing--I was not very good getting my points across in speech either. Such a course of study would have meant practicing the solution of very precisely formulated problems, starting with simple but challenging ones. I certainly would have resigned from the essay contest.

However, I stayed in the contest and paraphrased and now I must offer an apology especially to the authors of the work I paraphrased for labeling as mine what really was theirs and not mine in the least. The academic world depends on fairness according to the law for its reasonable good functioning and by putting aside my second thoughts about paraphrasing I damaged the foundation on which I was building for future possible participation in academia or the general field of writing. So much misery could have been avoided...

overpowering by exterest, its possible abuse

There seems to be a difference between interest and exterest in the mentally ill person's mind in that interest is metabolically maintained by one person while exterest is maintained by the population. This results in a partial representation of a sphere by the vision, because one person's vision does not receive an impression from the full 4 pi r squared spherical area around it, and this limits interest to a partial nature in that way, while the exterest is fully 4 pi r squared in nature.

This difference give a great advantage to exterest over interest, and may be the reason mental illness is so overpowering. I had earlier given a proposal that this overpowering was a result of the growth of the median, through all radii which the median occupies as it grows. This earlier suggestion would seem to be weaker than the current suggestion, that it is the complete sphericalness of exterest that gives it more power than interest.

It also would seem that the same difference of extent would enable parties of such a mind to abuse the mentally ill to do so, because it might be possible to create effects that the mentally ill person cannot see, effects based in the part of the body which the vision cannot monitor. Until I suggested this possibility no one thought of it and if it is going on, it has not been suspected or looked for.

the case against Bill Wilt

I am going to, in this and coming posts, discuss each of the cases of my allegations of covert repression. This is so that each one can be investigated economically.

All the allegations, if validated, carry a death sentence for the entire group of people responsible, both from the time of onset of the repression, and currently. Anyone involved in the repression during any of that time will be put on the death warrant. My coming to be kingpin has not been a process of merely a few showy demonstrations of prowess. It has been one of surviving and keeping my personal style despite repression of various sorts and with various effects, all of them deterring me from either surviving or pursuing my personal style.

The first one I am going to discuss, preliminarily and not exhaustively, will be my uncle, William F. Wilt. I grew up in an atmosphere tinted with admiration for this traitor to my interests. Admired, but never reaching out to me as a potential colleague or protege, he climbed the corporate ladder to become president of a giant American aerospace corporation, Aerojet General. Little did I suspect how little he was aware of my own star developing, but only noting the highlights where they reflected his own directions. I was pursuing exactly what I have attained, namely, becoming kingpin, though I wouldn't have ever been able to tell you that on the way there. My glory is endowed with spiritual qualities concordant with the most vital position in America. His is limited to his place in polite society, albeit an industrious one.

And in industry is the rub. Bill fucking wilt thought I was lazy.

Now those who know me know I am not lazy. but Bill Wilt didn't know that and neither do his ministers currently serving his will on me. Why did he think I was lazy? Because I knew from an early age that I was deemed the carrier of the family leadership as chosen to be so by my mother's mother, and Wilt's mother, namely, Elizabeth Paxton Wilt, and knowing this, I granted myself a circle of pause around me enabling me to relax, for I had great goals, unspecific, but unlimited since I knew of no bounds to the title I had gained from my grandmother. Consequently, I let my hair down and Bill fucking Wilt thought I was profligate. He especially thought I was profligate because I had lost my social position by dropping out of graduate school at Yale when I relapsed after going off medication. Betty Wilt continued to perceive my pursuit of my potential and took me in while the rest of the family poured anathema on me, and in Bill fucking Wilt's case this amounted to covert repression. Deciding to go off medication was a good decision. Not doing so, I would be on Mellaril to this day, and maybe dead because it has that possible result. It also obliterates spirit. It makes you sleepy all day and I was of the opinion I was better than that. My current theory about mental illness is that it is caused intentionally by homo sapiens to cover their asses with respect to language effects leaking when people speak and miss their mark. to do this the species sets a threshold past which everyone susceptible to mental illness is drafted into it. This threshold is applied uniformly throughout the ranks of the species so as to get isotropic distribution of the drafted parts, so it hits good people as well as bad with equal volatility. I believe my theory is correct. Mental illness is no demerit.

I could have avoided Bill fucking Wilt's unattenuated repression by telling him off in the beginning of it, when he had me in his car after I dropped out of Yale and he told me I "need to work". That, however, was an invitation to argument and argument is always enhanced by time and self-discipline. I get to speak now and I choose to issue a death warrant for Bill fucking Wilt's living representatives and all their servants. The evidence is there. It can be proven he has inflicted his personal condemnation on me through his considerable power, and through my superior power I can express my contempt for it, once my allegations are proven.

the question of notification I am a kingpin

It could be offered that issuing death warrants for parties which have not been notified that I am a kingpin is somehow improper. This offering is rejected. It is an advantage to be a kingpin in secret, and this advantage enables me to act powerfully in secret to meet secret menaces. Why should i limit myself in a way in which my adversaries do not limit themselves?

a better way than Christianity for the United States

The United States cannot improve others with Christianity. It would not be able to improve others with islam. from the position of having a preliminary proof of the better way than being better, It is impossible to devote time to comparison of religions.

United States no longer corrupt and materialistic in my view

With the election of Barack Obama I consider that the United States can no longer be characterized as a corrupt, materialistic society, and therefore I look for a change in policy of radical Islam toward this country inasmuch as I think of that faction as innocent and aware of realities and therefore as able as I to perceive the implications of the election. I await signal of this change and if they do not come in a reasonable amount of time I will change my policy of support for radical Islam to one of opposition, to the furthest extent of my powers.

Crystal has a coordinated distraction.

My girlfriend Crystal is suffering a coordinated distraction. It is impossible to locate the coordinates of the distraction without imprinting my own coordinates on her. She probably doesn't know any coordinate system well enough to allow me to do so. So far my only success has been to translate her hazarding into tangible terms, but this doesn't lend itself to my understanding as much as a coordinate connection does.

My discussion here of Crystal is coordinated into my own understanding and helps me to perceive her thinking as an example of playing out of my theory of mental illness.

The only logically valid operation between two mentally ill persons is propagation and this includes all the coordinated operations of enabling that and guaranteeing the survival of descendants. Her hazarding is as valid as mine.

It may be possible to coordinate propagation and facilitate descent without actually knowing her distraction's coordinates. I don't know my own, after all, and that has not prevented me from exploring the working of my theory of mental illness. If i can create coordination it should be easier to translate her hazarding into tangible terms.

I will rush to coordinate with her.

Dave Ristau in the seventh grade

Dave Ristau was a student in my honors English class in the seventh grade. He was one of the top gangsters in the school at that time. How could he get into an honors class?

Very simple, if you'll permit me a little speculative license.

I was known as promising. Little was it known just how promising i was. The Italian mafia knew exactly how promising i was. They wanted a piece of my action.

When JFK was assassinated it happened during honors English class and Dave Ristau was in the back watching me. The mob had JFK assassinated. The mob was going to ride me to the presidency.

Well it didn't happen. Instead, i beat them at their own game and became kingpin, taking Obama to the White House on my coattails. So now they have to accept the black race as equals. I don't think all of them like it. They will have to adjust.

dating across generations

Courtship involves both genders making a search of their universe for hazards. Dating is going out as a team incorporating the wisdom of the species in its comprehension of hazards as distinct from dangers, which are without a science somewhere in authority over them while hazards have it. Each generation hazards into the universe in a different state of advancement of the species on its dangers. When two people of distinctly different generations court and date, their hazarding must necessarily involve a much larger scale of species issues, or their connection will be too small and fail. hazarding in a larger scale is something no one teaches, and there is a possibility for great disaster. When Pythagoras married one of his students, they witnessed the destruction of the welcome of his school among the people in ancient Greece, who burned it down. Both my girlfriend, crystal, and I have immediately witnessed disasters. She a restriction on her activities. I a computer error of major scale. Time will tell if we solve these problems.

Crystal is on restriction at our nursing home.

My girlfriend, Crystal Newell, was put on restriction over a week ago. That means she can't leave the facility without an escort.

The incident which brought this about, as best i can gather, was an argument over just what she is able to do under her own authority. She decided to take a bus trip to Targets, and did so. At some point after returning she got into an argument involving her mother and her sisters over whether she should have made the trip. Staff got involved in the argument at some point. I am not sure just why it is alleged she should not have made the trip. The little i have been able to learn about it does not seem to me to be a credible complaint if one assumes Crystal has the right to go where she wants.

Once a mentally ill person is censured, it is pointless to argue. Their credibility is nil and arguing only tightens the vise. The facts of the situation are not viewed in the priorities of the mentally ill person. Crystal is young and has not learned either the danger in argument nor any good means of working around it.

Now she and i are both penalized. We cannot go out of the facility on a date. Our next one is scheduled for the sixteenth of this month to see Wagner's Tristan und Iseult at Lyric Opera.

I have asked Crystal what she intends to do to get off restriction but she doesn't seem to have any ideas and the situation doesn't seem to be evolving in her favor.

The people who have jurisdiction are her doctor, the clinical director, and the administrator. None of them is a colleague of mine so i am loath to approach them and reason.

Crystal defers to her mother's decisions. Growing out of that is not going to be without complications and if i am to be an important part of Crystal's life i must be willing to take some part in them, provided Crystal accepts me in such a role. It would appear that my place in all this at the present is on the outside standing ready to speak. Anything i say must be regulated and come from a knowledgeable position. Bad ideas will blow up immediately. My way with words is not arbitrarily potent but i am learning quite a bit from talking to Crystal. I am worried that she is not applying herself to speech, and this inhibits her rate of learning the dangers of argument for a mentally ill person. Her economy of conversation can be a great advantage, but only if she sees in it moments of opportunity for such learning.

The imperative in argument to refrain from profanity is a hard task-master. Being around people who are basically strangers here is an open invitation to use of threats and cursing. The staff doesn't know any more about handling it than the residents and Crystal's superior standing on this score is apparently not making an impression on anyone. It may be a problem of education. She only got to her sophomore year in high school. Why? She is intelligent. Her speech economy needs to learn the value of addressing a group. She is being buried in idiosyncrasy and her good looks are no defense against this.

Interest breath swamped by exterest breath throughout the sphere of interest.

Before the onset of mental illness, as the sphere of interest expands under the impulse of the growing inner membrane nourished by the breath of the person, the median is always a spherical shell. And as we saw in a recent post, the spherical shape produces the effect of a voice, limited to one such, and for exterest in the median this voice is impelled by mission, the impulse of survival of the species in numbers. Thus this impulse is imprinted on the sphere of interest throughout, because the median passes through every radius from zero to the full size of the sphere of interest.

Then when mental illness hits and the inner membrane disintegrates, exterest flushes into the sphere and the entire history of its impulse passing from zero radius to the radius of the inner membrane is apparently restored. Breath inherent in interest is commingled with breath impulse inherent in exterest and at every juncture interest breath is way behind on the multifaceted schedule of exterest breath, which now fills the entire sphere, swamping the person's own schedule of breath in a wash of species survival impulse strength.

Homosexual policy

I said in an earlier post that homosexuality needs to be stamped out. Here is how I would do it.

I propose a world-wide policy: no homosexual may come within communication distance to any minor. The punishment for a first offense is death.

Why the mentally ill person hears voices only one voice at a time

It needs to be discovered why the mentally ill person's “voices” do not resemble a crowded room with everyone talking at once. Instead, the voices keep themselves to one word expressed at a time.

I believe the answer is in the shape of the sphere of interest. In the mentally ill person that sphere is filled with both interest and exterest. The exterest is where the voices come from. It would seem that the ability to create a word in the mind is a property of the sphere shape, and just as it limits the mentally ill person himself to one word at a time, so too it limits the exterest to one word at a time, even though exterest is populated by many people's roving essential atoms.

This solution brings us to another puzzle. Why are voices so much more powerful than the mentally ill person's own thoughts? His own thoughts always recede in deference to voices. I believe the solution is in an effect i will call “mission”. Mission arises in numbers—numbers of people responsible for the effect of exterest. While normal people only have exterest in their medians, at the outer limits of their spheres of interest, and therefore mission is not great enough to be easily noticed, mentally ill people have exterest throughout their spheres of interest, and therefore mission is pronounced. It carries the impulsiveness of the species' will to survive, a will which any one person does not individually shape, no matter whether ill or normal.

An organism can aim to exceed others.

An organism can aim to exceed others against common obstacles. Jesus expanded the idea of common obstacle from seen to known, but he still aimed to exceed others and no more. He lived in a species world where common obstacles were seen and learning was therefore by comparison of one image of conduct and another, in other words, by example.

a proof in solitude

A proof in solitude is subjected to all the turbulence of an environment lacking proofs. One species can hardly expect to produce a proof that stands up to space.

Improving others, a better way than just being better

You can't improve others so that they will improve others unless you prove to others that there is a better way than just being better. Jesus was better than everybody but he didn't have any way to improve others so what he taught was being better, not improving others. You can't adapt Jesus's way to improving others so that they improve others. It has no activist core. Every moment you spend observing how much better you are is a moment you aren't improving others by proof. I grew up learning in an example centered world. My center when I escape to solitude is an example, not a proof. A proof in solitude lacks the measure of a proof in public. Diplomacy is not a public proof. Instruction is recreation of the conditions in which I am not trying to improve others. I am trying to prove to others that there is a better way than just being better. They won't listen to anyone doing a proof. They will only listen to an example, and an example is no good unless it is successful.

Sort of high minded. But it's a note to myself I didn't think I would post until I came online.

explanation of the previous post about staff at my nursing home, Bryn Mawr Care

The scribd document, “some staff at my nursing home”, in the preceding post, needs a little explanation.

The second column, “familiarity score, 1000 scale/percent error estimate”, is an estimate by me of the familiarity of each staff member with me, on a scale from 1 to 1000, and, after the slash, an estimate of the percent error of that estimate of familiarity.

The third column, “professional score relative to position”, is my estimate of the professional quality of each staff members job performance, on a scale from 1 to 1000, where 1000 represents doing the job perfectly.

I have given error estimates for familiarity with me but not for job performance because i know more about the ideal score for familiarity than i do for job performance.

Bryn Mawr Care, my nursing home

located at 5547 N. Kenmore, Chicago, IL 60640

phone: 773-561-7040

owned by SIR Management.

“These facilities are licensed, regulated and inspected at least annually by the Illinois Department of Public Health.”--IDPH website.

some information about some staff at my nursing home, Bryn Mawr Care

Some of the Staff at My Nursing Home

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Business Spreadsheets nursing homes

some information about some residents at my nursing home, Bryn Mawr Care

Some of the Residents in My Nursing Home

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Business Spreadsheets nursing homes

numerical base notation

Numerical Base Notation

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Published Research Academic Work notation conventions number base

random base sixteen 28

@# 286c6c3d @#

random base sixteen ef

@# ef27967e @#

i had a beautiful conversation with my girlfriend Crystal. when i told her i had announced on the internet that she is my girlfriend, she said "oh" in such a delighted way that it erased all doubts that she likes me romantically. plus, she said some things a most personal way, very intelligently. this is a first. i hope to live up to its promise.

Choice of race by whites

It is better for white males and females to choose as mates black females and males, respectively.

Vying for authority between a mentally ill person and a normal person

When a mentally ill person and a normal person converge on a place and the ill person attempts to engage the normal person in vying for authority over some functional aspect of the place, the situation in the mentally ill person's mind is one of logical links leading outward from the place in two strands, one interest type functionality for the mentally ill person, and one exterest type functionality effected by the normal person. In the normal person's mind it is all interest, because they have lots of pure interest type terest and carry this into anyplace where they have authority.

It is the ill person's only hope that he develop his interests in conflict with the interests of the normal person. The two strands are fundamentally different in quality and movement along one is unreasonable to the other, absolutely and without possibility for compromise. Only by superior scaling, bringing in a larger range of considerations and economies, can the mentally ill person prevail over the normal person in a situation where there is vying for authority.

The significance of this result is vast, for it applies to all matters regarding the handling of the mentally ill person's life by the mental health industry.

Courtship of Crystal Newell continues

More action with Crystal Newell, my girlfriend:

She doesn't consider me worthy of being her only boyfriend, though she does seem willing to let me tell everyone she's my girlfriend.

Today at dinner I sat down at a table in the dining room filled with people. Then Crystal came in and walked right past me and sat down at a table at the other end of the room where another guy was eating. I decided to act.

I got up with my tray and sat down at Crystal's table. I proceded to eat, watching her eat.

In a minute or so I hit upon a conversation to strike up. I said, “you know I'm courting you.” She looked confused. I said, “do you know what that means?” more confusion. I said, “it means I'm fighting for your hand.” more confusion. She said, “my hand?” I said, “yeah. Do you know what that means?” she said no. I said, “it means I want you to consider me your only boyfriend.” she seemed noncommital so I risked a “isn't that nice?”

Then she made a belittling face and a little wince, all combined into one. No words thouogh.

This continues to be a difficult courtship. I'm not sure yet how much she knows about courtship, or how much experience she has with it. Just what the quality of her amorous aspirations are is hard to tell. If they're high, I stand a chance. If they're low, that is, more or less gutteral, then I don't stand any chance at all and she's just enjoying going out with me because it beats hanging around the nursing home, but apparently even then it doesn't beat it by much considering how easy it was for her to tell me on practically the eve of the second opera, which I cancelled with her because of this, that her mother might be coming in to see her on the day of the opera and she might not be able to go.

For me it's a logical step by step process of eliminating every chance that her amorous aspirations are high. As long as there remains one chance of it I am going to give her every opportunity to show it. The logic is brutal. Once the last chancNe is removed the courtship will be zero. Not “over”. Zero. Right now it's one.

multiple females

Homeless in the New Haven, CT, area in 1981, it occurred to me I could make a little nomey without having to contend with competition by working as a model for artists.

The first class I modeled for was at Paier School of Art, I believe in West Haven.

What i did there is not for public expression here because this is not an adult content blog. It can be said, however, that after class, the model for a neighboring class came over and complimented me on my work.

I did artists' modeling work when I was able throughout homelessness.

One job that stands out was at the Cambridge Adult Education Center in Cambridge, MA. Unbeknownst to me until I got there, it was an all female class. They were playing traditional oriental music all during the class. Their ages were widely ranged, from just adult to senior citizen, about 15 women in all.

I posed on a turntable. The members of the class took turns rotating the turntable every ten minutes or so.

Tell the minors to skip the next sentence.

Artists models pose in the nude.

I believe I was asked to do this class of women because of my handling of a situation in a previous class. After that class as I was leaving the classroom I was greeted understatedly by a girl student and we talked for a few moments. She was nervous. I concluded she was thinking about how nice it would be to invite me to her home or something like that and have sex. I had been clued in by one of the administrators at the center that hustling by models was common, normal, and acceptable. My own belief was that it was not proper. So in talking with this girl I was careful to be honest in my attraction to her just as she was honest in her attraction to me, but also careful not to steer the conversation towards taking advantage of her attraction to me for money. The conversation ended naturally and no invitation was given and I made no suggestion of a deal. There were other people still in the room but they paid no attention to us. I was not able to suggest a date free from hustling only because I was penniless and couldn't afford to entertain her in my customary way and I have never asked women to treat me simply because I couldn't treat them but wanted to go out with them. This was my way homeless just as much as it was and is not homeless. Some women have treated me, and in one instance I was materially at a loss and lived materially not at a loss because of a woman's treating me, with complicated feelings about this. I think this is a strong position and its evidencing itself was the reason I was asked to model for the class of all women. I have never spoken of this incident until now.

It is to be reported in light of that experience that one night when I was living in Chicago after leaving IIT and had very little money I went for some coffee at the nearby Burger King and upon entering and standing in the entrance I looked into the restaurant and saw a gathering of about a dozen females, all about the same age, maybe 25, dressed in business attire. Their glances were there and abouts, but when one girl saw me she looked at me more, and then others in the group looked at me and looked at me more, and then all of them were looking at me. All in complete silence and keen attention. I just looked at them back.

They started getting their drinks, went and sat at some tables together, and were very silent. They were definitely paying attention to me still.

I got my drink and decided this was a moment for whatever I could do in the way of action. I sat down at the table next to them. They all sat there, silently, and looked here and abouts. I sat looking here and abouts myself, thinking of something to say, if possible. Nothing occurred to me. It was a situation new to me and I had no words that suited.

Then one of the girls said into the public space, with normal volume, “it's unfortunate we can't speak.” or something to that effect. I still didn't know what to say and wasn't willing to abuse my social position, for what it was worth, to take advantage by saying something suggestive. A partner twelve-fold is twelve times as demanding. I've often wished since then I had found something to say.

When i was in college the first time I met a girl in public in Chicago and we had sex that night in her apartment. She told me she had a lot of girlfriends who would like to do the same with me if I wanted. I was just enough concerned about the danger I was already in that it was easy for me to decline this invitation.

an incident with the clinical director of the nursing home where i live

An incident typical of the mental health industry:

I approached the clinical director of the mental illness nursing home where I live with a suggestion that they offer a group for people with management skills. There are about five people out of the 180 who live here who I would consider good candidates. Her response: “We're a residential facility. We don't handle employment issues.”

I note that the company that owns this nursing home calls itself SIR Management, SIR standing for “specialists in rehabilitation”. What the hell kind of rehabilitation do they specialize in that doesn't consider the presence of management talent something that should be given a high priority for consideration for a group.

This same clinical director in a recent conversation with me said that friendship between staff and residents is not allowed. Then without a breath she said that she's passionate about her job and that she loves the work. I thought to myself, how can this lady expect anyone to take her seriously if she demands to be considered passionate about people she can't even be friends with. As far as I can tell, being passionate about your job means only one thing: if you get fired it will break your heart. If you ask me anyone who expects job security because getting fired will break their heart doesn't deserve the job over someone who takes a more business-like attitude toward job security.

There isn't a snow-ball's chance in hell of my saying what I think to this lady. She considers me inherantly untrustworthy, like she does all of the residents.